Ex wife seems to take divorce lightly….

by Rod Smith

My husband’s ex-wife seems to take their divorce lightly. There is a need for communication because of my step-daughter, however, she has become almost “too friendly” with me. For instance, she will call me up and say, “How is my ex-husband?” She is also cultivating an affection towards our kids, which makes it feel like she wants to create a psuedo family – that is, be divorced, but be a part of the entire system. In some ways, it is very difficult because it looks like it’s in the spirit of what is best for my step-daughter, yet it is quite awkward. It seems as if she (ex-wife) is needy and has definite boundary issues. I don’t know how to broach it – my husband simply ignores and detatches from her, but I don’t want her to feel rejected. We have common events to attend, not to mention friends from the same circle. Any insight would be appreciated.

ROD’S REPLY: Your husband “ignores and detaches” from his ex-wife and you “don’t want her to feel rejected” but SHE is the one with the boundary issues! I’d suggest the “entire system” (of which she IS a part) could use a boundary tune up. I challenge you both to sit down with her at a venue other than your home and define your marital boundaries so she might reassess how to mother a daughter as one who is divorced from her daughter’s father. Resist blaming this woman for boundary issues when you have hardly done much better at it yourself.

One Comment to “Ex wife seems to take divorce lightly….”

  1. “Resist blaming this woman for boundary issues when you have hardly done much better at it yourself.”

    Amen. I am in a similar situation. I am the “ex-wife” and my exhusband has remarried.

    It seems people forget that even so you’re “divorced” – you’re never “divorced” when it comes to kids. The woman above said, “looks like it’s in the spirit of what is best for my step-daughter” – Perhaps it “looks” that way because it IS in the best interest of her step daughter???

    “yet it is quite awkward” – Grow up. I suspect this woman isn’t going away.

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