Archive for August 9th, 2007

August 9, 2007

I am in second place to his mother and sisters…..

by Rod Smith

I am marrying a man who will not let his family take care of themselves. He feels very responsible for them and provides for his mother and sisters even though they do not really need his help. It hurts when he puts them ahead of me and I take second place. When I point this out he says I don’t understand family. What must I do? Will this change once we are married? (Letter considerably shortened and edited)

You have described a loyal man with a strong sense of responsibility, even if his need to care for his family is exaggerated.

Take your focus off him and set your sights on living a full and vibrant life. You want a husband, not a caretaker, and so I suggest you bring the full force of your personality to this relationship.

Do not compete for his attention or test him to see if you are in first or second place regarding his extended family – such behavior is immature and depletes you of the energy you need to live your own complete life. My hunch is, if you allow it, you will get similar dedication once you are married and will find it to be overbearing and controlling.