Archive for May 16th, 2007

May 16, 2007

How to love and respect your husband:

by Rod Smith

Call me...

Call me...

1. Set career, academic, and health goals for yourself, and then work hard to achieve them.
2. Develop a network of diverse and supportive friends.
3. Challenge your husband to be a mutual, respectful, and equal partner in every aspect of your relationship.
4. Resist any forms of intimacy you do not find pleasing or comfortable.
5. Believe in your husband’s honesty and integrity by refusing to lie or cover for him no matter how seemingly justifiable the lie or a cover-up might be.
6. Don’t work harder at his family relationships (on his behalf) than he, himself does.
7. Talk to him about what you see, think, and feel regarding matters that are important to you, and offer him the opportunity to do the same with you in return.
8. Resist making him appear to be a better father than he really is. If you help him save face with the children he might never need to step up to the plate and be all the dad he could be.
9. Be interdependent by finding fulfillment both within your marriage and as an individual. Enjoy being both a mother and wife without losing your capacity to enjoy life outside of each of these wonderful roles.
10. Maintain your voice under all circumstances while realizing that not everything you think or see or feel needs to be expressed.

May 16, 2007

My daughter is seeing a man who employed her…

by Rod Smith

My daughter (20s) is “seeing” a man who employed her for years. He is my age. He just left his third wife and is public about his relationship with my daughter. I know she is old enough to date whomever she wants but this doesn’t seem right to her father or me. Please advise.

Rod’s Response: The man is a predator but neither party in this destructive dance is likely to see this until matters go awry. I’d suggest you call him to a meeting where both parents address your concerns. I’d suggest you place a tape recorder in the middle of the meeting.

Tell him:

1. You are fully aware that your daughter, an adult, can date whomever she pleases.
2. The power differences make it an unequal playing field for your daughter. He employed her, and he is old enough to be her dad. These two factors mean it can never be a mutual and respectful relationship.
3. He has a very poor track record with commitment and you are sadly observing your daughter become another of his victims.
4. You will love and support your daughter even if at this stage of her life she is blinded by his over-powering attention.