Archive for May 30th, 2007

May 30, 2007

My husband says he needs his space. What is going on?

by Rod Smith

You are probably feeling enormous pain and, while this is not meant as a cheap pun, playing “space invaders” is seldom comfortable. Desiring “space” is normal and, not in itself, an indication of rejection.

The “space” people want at first is emotional space. If there’s no room to move (emotionally) they will want out (physically)!

Overcrowding each other is not helpful. We are each designed to know and experience our unique freedom. If it’s not respected, things get uncomfortable. The secret is creating “space” within the relationship rather than leaving (ending) the relationship. A person who cannot find the space they need within a marriage is unlikely to find it outside the marriage or with someone else.

When people enter each other’s private emotional environment too often or for too long, even if they are in love, somebody’s going to resist, retaliate, run or at the least, become very crabby. All people need and want space to move and be unencumbered even when very much in love (perhaps even more so!)

Begin all relationships with some distance “built in.” Don’t give 100% of your time to anyone (not even to a baby; even babies need space). If “emotionally overcrowding” each other were avoided, people would not need to “tussle” for breathing space, thinking space, or resting space.