He wants “space” and I don’t get it…..

by Rod Smith

Please, pass this on...

Please, pass this on...

To the woman who doesn’t understand her boyfriend’s need for “space”:

I’d suggest that when the relationship began it got too hot (too close, too intense, too everything) too soon. Once a little dust settled, what was intense and powerful feels just as powerfully suffocating.

When you want to know where he is, what he’s thinking, who he’s with and what he’s doing, all of the time, your best intentions of wanting to “be together even while we are apart” feel like suspicion, even if you are not the “suspicious type” and there is nothing to suspect.

Even if he is not phoning anyone you don’t know, or if he is not sending text messages to women he hardly knows, he still doesn’t want you to check his phone or phone bill. Some things are simply none of your business even if you are in a “committed” relationship.

Wanting, occasionally, to be with his friends and family without you is not a sign of his disrespecting you or of hiding anything, it is simply a natural desire people have to sometimes be in social and family settings where they can relax and not have to attempt to take care of the overwhelming needs of a high-maintenance girlfriend. 

8 Comments to “He wants “space” and I don’t get it…..”

  1. that’s a perfect description of my… boyfriend! to me, it’s a lack of confidence and maturity. the more suspicious and nosy he is, the less I share with him. I love my “space”. I wish people understood that. some of my friends feel so ‘rejected’ if I don’t give them enough attention. it used to make me feel like I’m selfish, but got over it.

  2. Rod,
    You are so good! Yes, the tighter you hold on to something, the more it craves it’s freedom and space. Hold too tightly and you will break it all together.

  3. I am soooo shamed! WOW I could not have read this at a more appropriate time. I just started dating this guy…again tooo shamed to say how short a time. He’s not told me he needs space, BUT I can clearly see him feeling suffocated he could read my mind. Case and point….he calls and texts every day. We emailed early yesterday he said we prolly wouldn’t communicate until later on that night. He didn’t call…..I didn’t call but I was angry! How dare he get me accustomed to a regla night call and then pull the sheet from underneath me?!?!? He called me early this morning….I’m sure I threw shade. Thank you Rod….I do see the light.

  4. Thing i dont get is you plan to do stuff with my boyfriend and all of a sudden he dont wanna no u e can go for days not ringing me or seeing me e completely shuts me out his life for a bit and then when he is ready he qwill come back and just expects me to be ok, im not bothered him seeing friends on his own, but it when he will sday any excuse to get away from you im sorry to say this men are a com[letly different species to us women. youy must of been born on another planet

  5. I’ve been dating the same guy for over three years now. We were high school sweethearts and then when we went to university in different cities we fought a lot. In the first year we got rocky and i found a guy I liked. He was nice and we had a lot in common, including a circle of friends. When I went out to visit their place across the country, I was sexually assualted by this ‘friend’. When I got back home I lied to my bf and told him nothing happened. When we went back to school for our second year a week later I told him what happened. He seemed very hurt and accused me of cheating on him since I flirted with this guy and wouldnt let my bf talk to him. The second year at school was rockier since he got into a different circle of friends and started going out partying a lot. He never cheated on me but I got insecure. We fought a lot about his social life and he just pushed me away. I decided to take a year off school and he went back after graduating. We were okay for a while since I cut the ties with the guy that assaulted me but my bf would always bring it up. Our relationship has been ok but we still had little fights about dumb things. It was nothing big and we came a long way from before. On my birthday less than two months ago he mentioned moving in together. Now, out of the blue my bf told me he needs space, he loves me but is unhappy and cant get over things. I asked him if he wants to break up and he said he doesnt know. I asked him if he loved me and he said yes. I asked if there was another girl and he said no. He couldnt answer why he was unhappy but that he’s been unhappy for a year. I’m terrified about losing him. He acts different towards me now, wont kiss me, wont touch me, is just rude some times. Yet when I visit him on weekends when we sleep he holds me so close to him. I dont know what to do, what to say. I don’t wan to lose him but he just seems so negative it’s discouraging. Any advice?

  6. Directions pls…..
    I’ve been w/ my bf (now fiance) for over 6 years, and we recently announced to our families that we are finally getting married next year. However, we have currently being arguing regarding things that we can’t seem to agree on and it’s affecting me more than him. I leave him to stay w/ family members one evening and he continues with his merry business like nothing happened. It bothers me knowing that nothing bothers him the next day. What is more annoying is that we have a wedding to plan next year, and now that I’ve experienced him changing over the years (bad/good); I think it will be the same if we were to get married in the future. Right now, I am not sure of marrying him. What should I do…

  7. I dated the guy 2 1/2 years. I accepted all his faults and he accepted mine. Then wham! the sex and even the kissing stopped. I asked him if he wasn’t attracted to me and he said that he was, but, “Needed time” to finish college and to decide what he needed. He told me we weren’t parting ways, wanted to be friends, but needed time. I have given him time and spent way too much time alone. I feel unappreciated and totally used. I know school is importantto him and I 100% support him. Suggestions??

  8. hey iv been wif my boyfriend for 3 and half years and told are families we wanted to get married next year…we always argue but only over petty things and suddenly he told me he wanted time alone and needed ‘space’ i am totally gutted and dont know what he means by this…i think he cant handle the commitment ..he evan told me he doesnt know wether he wants to be with me or not..can some one give me any advice? i cant live without him

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