Ex husband has introduced my children to his new woman…

by Rod Smith

My husband left me a year ago for another woman. He has introduced my children (12, 14, 15) to her. She stays the night with them at his flat every second weekend like they are one happy family. My children come home very upset. They cannot tell him they do not like this arrangement. He says they have fun with her. I know they are being nice because they are nice children and don’t know how else to treat a grown woman. What can I do?

Rod Replies: Your children are walking the tightrope of divided loyalties. Children should be encouraged to tell their parents the truth about what they see and feel, even if what they see and feel does not please the parent. This is a very difficult situation (for all of you) over and above the inherent difficulties of divorce.

Try not to talk negatively about your ex-husband or his new woman as such talk will only serve to set the children against you. If you are able, pass no comment about his living arrangements. Your children are old enough to draw their own conclusions and make their own assessments about their father and his values.

One Comment to “Ex husband has introduced my children to his new woman…”

  1. My ex-husband brought his “girlfriend” of two days to my six-year-old son’s camp awards ceremony. (He didn’t know her for more than a couple days prior to their “going out”) I was also along. I told him i found this inappropriate, but he basically blew me off. Later that night my son was very upset and told me they did something in front of him that really bothered him, and what he described was “making out”. I don’t think my young son should be exposed to this type of behavior, nor do I think he needs to be pushed into being part of their relationship after only a couple days. Also, my ex-husband has only been out of a relationship of a couple years which produced another child, and in which my son was very involved, for a few weeks. I don’t know what to say to my ex to get him to understand that this is damaging to our son, and I definetely don’t know what to say to my son to comfort him. What would you suggest?

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