“My husband made friends with a guy and now they’re inseparable. I am going mad. I know a man has to have friends but this is ridiculous. He sees this person every other day. I want alone time with my husband and he will say his friend wants to join us. This feels like a threesome. He does have a wife who is not ‘my cup of tea.’ I cannot say anything because it makes a fight. Am I wrong? The other day I said let’s take a drive and sit somewhere. My husband made sure the place was nearby so his friend could meet us. 
I was silent to not make trouble. My husband says I am jealous. How can I be jealous of a man? I think maybe he should take his clothes and go and live with him. He must have something I don’t have. When I see him I can scream but I keep my cool. The friend will say, ‘Oh my sister! So glad to see you.’ My blood boils. I know God says you have to let these things go and pray otherwise we don’t have blessings. Give me advice before it is too late.” (Letter shortened)
How much of your husband are you willing to share? How much of a threesome are you prepared to be? These questions must be answered. This issue is not about the friend, his wife, or even your husband. Everything, for you, hinges on you. It is not a matter of jealousy and your husband is employing a sneaky trick to suggest it is. This is about divided, or confused, loyalties. Challenge your husband to grow up, to decide on how his loyalties are expressed from day to day.
From where did you get the idea that you have to be silent and “let these things go and pray,” or you will stop your blessings? This is twisted theology. I’d suggest that your silence, passivity, and continuing to have your blood “boil” will only result in increased suffering for you and your husband. Take a stand. Clearly you understand men need friends, but it ceases to be friendship when others (family members) are not also enriched by the friendship. Make your stand with full knowledge that you might not be your husband’s first choice. At least then, you will know.
Write again, or if you’d like to talk, let me know. I will make time for you.
Rod@DifficultRelationships.com
emotion to feel, to use, but it will persistently eat you from the inside, leave you feeling even angrier, even more powerless over your life. Then, apart from punishing your spouse, they (resentment and bitterness) will punish you and contaminate all your relationships. In short, they have no boundaries and they are on a mission to deface all that is good and pure.
I am afraid people will think less of me. I don’t know what to do, where to go. When I ask him about it he says he didn’t it but he did. When we go to bed he puts his back to me. When I tell him I love him, he says I’m trying to start a fight. I think everybody will be better off if I’m not here anymore. They can start over without worrying about me. I have nothing. Please help me, please.” (Edited)
Many people “get” angry in traffic – but it is not the traffic that makes people angry – the traffic is the catalyst for the anger already resident in people. I know men and women who can sit for hours in horrendous traffic and enjoy books on tape or soothing music! Despite their demanding careers (interrupted by heavy traffic) these men and women have correctly recognized that ranting and raving over things over which they have no control is rather pointless and foolish.
High maintenance people are difficult, sometimes impossible, even in the most relaxed of circumstances. They pick fights, find fault and personalize almost everything. They argue with people who are closest to them for no apparent reason. They often pick on strangers (waiters, helpers). They often live in a world of cut-off relationships where everyone else is an idiot.
