Archive for November 22nd, 2010

November 22, 2010

Should I trust my son (9) when he says he won things at school?

by Rod Smith

My son (9) comes home from school with things that he says he traded or he won. They are small toys and games. Should I trust him or should I check it out with the school. Stealing is not beyond his capabilities?

I’m inclined to suggest you err on the side of trust than impose your suspicions upon your son. When he tells you he won or traded these items you are surely aware that he is doing what children have done for generations.

I clearly recall trading marbles, yo-yos, Durban City soccer cards (I couldn’t get rid of my Durban United and Addington cards quickly enough) and all manner of items on the Northlands Primary soccer field – without ever stealing.

Clearly there is some history regarding your son and stealing but I’d rather be fooled for trusting too much than be guilty of trusting too little.

While we are talking about trading and soccer cards, I think I have an “Alan Varner” and I really want a “George Wooten.” Any offers?

Reminder: “Love in Harsh Palces” contest will end November 30th. Submit, by email, your 200-word account where you encountered love where it was least expected. Prize: $200 Exclusive Books Gift Card.

November 22, 2010

My husband calls me stupid…

by Rod Smith

“My husband calls me stupid. He gives me the ‘silent treatment’ for days. He says things like ‘I’ll talk to you when you say something intelligent’. What am I to do?” (Edited)

Attraction is only enduringly possible.....

Equals, not opposites, attract - when it comes to levels of functioning.

Romantic attraction resulting in marriage is usually only possible with persons of similar emotional maturity and psychological functioning. Given you are married, and presuming he is too bright to have been tricked into marriage – I’d suggest he is equally as “stupid” as he perceives you to be.

But, hold that thought. Expressing it to him is likely to generate unhelpful conflict.

Remove yourself when he’s abusive, and, at least for a time, hold your tongue. The less you respond the greater will be the possibility that he will hear his own cruelty. For a few days, even weeks, offer no comeback to stoke his fire or stroke his foolishness.

Then, when the atmosphere is right (few couples fight round the clock) initiate a conversation. Tell him how his words damage both of you, how unattractive it is to be labeled, debased. Suggest his callousness says nothing about you and everything about him. Inform him that even “stupid women” have limits to accommodating abuse, and that he ought to seek professional help before he grinds all the goodwill out of his marriage forever.