Are you in danger?

by Rod Smith

Passivity can be abusive, too.

Partner abuse is not restricted to physical violence. Emotional and psychological abuse, while not requiring hospital visits, can be as devastating as overt violence. Emotional abuse is also domestic violence. If your relationship drains your self-esteem, isolates you, “grinds” you down, feels like a prison more than love, it is likely you are in an abusive relationship. Get outside help if any one of the following is true.

Your partner:
1. “Railroads” conversations. You can’t discuss your concerns for fear of things getting out of hand.
2. Gives you no time to think believing he or she already knows everything you think and feel.
3. Criticizes, humiliates, undermines, and ridicules you, your family, and your friends – usually in private, sometimes not. You are afraid of the very person whom you are supposed to love.
4. Keeps you “in line” by withholding money, the car, your phone, or access to the Internet.
5. Has stolen from you and run up debt in your name.
6. Has thrown away or destroyed your things, opens, reads, even destroys or deletes your mail and scours your phone bill. Mistrust is his or her default position.
7. Blames you for his or her moods, failures, and missed opportunities.
8. Can be hurtful and obnoxious one minute, repentant and charming the next.

Received by email 7/30/2010

“I am in an abusive relationship. He chose the engagement ring, because he feels that “if he is paying for it, he must like it”. He sold my car in order for me to use his car and controls where I go and if it suits him. He does not support me financially. I am expecting his baby in December, he refuses to help pay my bills whilst I am on maternity leave, yet insists that I take 3 months, which I cannot afford to do. He is selfish and will only agree to any decision if it benefits him. He changes the DSTV channel while I’m watching a movie, because he pays the MNET bill. He came into our room one night, I was fast asleep, he put the TV on and turned up the volume, this woke me, when I confronted him about his inconsideration he said “this is my bed and TV and I will watch TV when I like.” He bought me sunglasses for Christmas and told me he needed to use my sunglasses, when I said no, he called me a bitch and said ” I paid for them…”

He refuses to accept that he is selfish and controlling. He says that I’m the problem. I cannot discuss any problem with him, because he gets defensive and we fight.

My coping skills: I’m saving to buy my own car and move out, I’m only taking 2 months maternity leave, I will never ask him for anything again.


2 Comments to “Are you in danger?”

  1. This is a good article. I have been married to a man who fulfills quite a few of these points, but he said it wasn’t abuse, he was the head of the home and it was his right to treat me like this.

  2. Dear Readers:

    This is just crap! Modern women are not responsible for their own actions. So many people become professionals that get paid to convince women that their men are abusive and will not do everything a women wants in her fantansy of life. Men put up with this craziness and are labeled abusive and thrown in jail if they dont follow womens demands. Why do the courts take the husband’s money in divorce? This is the way our government has decided to control the populus and create the new world order through the USA communistic tactics! Good Luck now that the encomny has changed and everyone is at each other’s throat! Remember these things happened in the Roman era and look what happened! Wise Up America!

    (INCLUSION DOES NOT MEAN I AGREE. — I, Rod, allow this so readers can see what odd persons there are out there!)

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