I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I AM THE VILLAIN AS YOUR COLUMN CLAIMS

by Rod Smith

I left this letter “as is” — before I respond to the writer, I thought I let it “sit” with you, the reader on the web. I did send a letter to the original writer to clarify what he means by “cut off her water” — this is not a term I am aware of and cannot imagine he expects his wife to live without water! We’ll wait and see. I also asked him to drop the capitals unless he is actually intending to yell at me.

The original writer responded: “Firstly, no shouting intended, I always use capitals, but point taken. Onto your enquiry, cutting off her water means exactly that, no money, car or internet etc.”

7/30/2010

HI ROD:

I SUBSCRIBE TO THE MERCURY AND READ YOUR COLUMN DAILY. TODAY’S SUBJECT IS RATHER INTERESTING, AS I HAVE BEEN MARRIED (NOT GREAT LATELY) FOR 26 YEARS AND I HAVE THREATENED MY WIFE WITH YOUR “IN LINE” CLAUSE IN DESPERATION ON A FEW OCCASIONS, WHILE NEVER HAVING CARRIED IT THROUGH.

I CANNOT AGREE MORE THAT EMOTIONAL ABUSE FOR EITHER PARTNER IS DEVASTATING, HOWEVER WHAT YOU FAIL TO MENTION AND IN DOING SO MAKES THE AGGRIEVED PARTNER READING YOUR COLUMN TODAY FEEL VINDICATED, AS WHY AND / OR WHAT DRIVES THE OTHER PARTNER TO THREATEN THIS ACTION.

ON MY WIFE’S REQUEST, WE ATTENDED COUNSELLING AT HER CHURCH AND YEARS LATER WITH A GENUINE CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST. AS SOON AS THE CHURCH COUNSELLOR AGREED WITH ME, MY WIFE CLAIMED THAT THE COUNSELLOR WAS USELESS AND THAT WAS THE END OF THAT. YEARS LATER THE PSYCHOLOGIST DIAGNOSED HER BEING “NARCISTIC” AND THIS TOO (ONCE SHE HAD READ UP ON IT) WAS NOT ACCEPTED.

BASED ON THE ABOVE, MY LAST RESORT AT TIMES HAS BEEN TO “CUT HER WATER OFF” AND IN DOING SO, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I AM THE VILLAIN AS YOUR COLUMN CLAIMS.

YOUR COMMENTS WILL BE MOST WELCOME.

3 Comments to “I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I AM THE VILLAIN AS YOUR COLUMN CLAIMS”

  1. “Cut her water off.” What a charming colloquialism. Perhaps this gentleman should consider plugging his spout. I will agree that at times your rules of basic play can seem like stringent ideals, Rod, but I must also admit that in our culture–for which I will take partial ownership as a member and citizen–unhealthy relationships often seem predominate to such an extent that health seems like an idealistic fantasy. This may be due to original sin, or it may be due to the Republican Party. I’m not sure which. : ) Kidding. Sort of.

  2. Postscript to above posted comment: for example: who has not, at some point in time, been irrationally angry and then overcompensated by being penitent and made the miscalculation of making a joke instead of mustering the courage to make a sincere apology while maintaining integrity and reiterating, calmly, their initial, possibly reasonable, objections? With that said, I still think that this guy might need to have his electricity turned off before he gets soaked.

    • Post-postscript: If he is denying his wife access to money, internet, and car–assuming that he previously had ‘provided’ these–he is imprisoning his wife which will obviously lead to a growing distortion in their relationship, assuming that she does not leave him, or find a way to provide these things for herself. This man should be aware that if his wife does not pursue these avenues, some of which he may not really want her to do (re: he may not want her to leave him) than the possibility for authentic love and affection will grow daily more impossible and the likelihood of their being some kind of redemptive turnaround in their relationship will become rapidly more improbable.

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