Archive for September 20th, 2009

September 20, 2009

He checks everything as if I have a history of indiscretions…..

by Rod Smith

“My husband checks my emails, my cell phone and computer history, and my credit card statements. He also grills me daily about my conversations. He’d really prefer me not to work so he knows where I am and what I am doing but we need the money. You’d think I have a history of indiscretions the way he goes on. He’ll even know I have written this email to you and he won’t be happy about it. What can I do?”

Stand up to him....

Stand up to him....

Somehow, and potentially at great cost, you are going to have to take back the legitimate power you have over your life. Jealousy and controlling behavior are NEVER signs of love. The man has a virus and cooperating with it (the virus) will only make things worse. While you have been conditioned to think you have few or no options, you have more than you realize.

Understanding you will pay for your actions, stand up to him, change your passwords – do whatever it takes to secure your privacy. That you have nothing to hide doesn’t mean anyone (even your husband) ought to have the freedom to look. Men who have the need to control their wives usually have real control over little else. If, as a result of your stand, he gets a life of his own, he won’t have the need to monitor or be so consumed with yours.

September 20, 2009

Teenagers no longer want to go back and forth to visit dad….

by Rod Smith

I have been taking and picking up my son and daughter for years every second weekend so they can visit their dad – and we are all tired of it. The children are now teenagers and they want to go to his house for shorter and shorter stays less and less often. This is ONLY because the visits are disruptive to the social life they did not have when they were younger. I am going to say it is okay with me if they run it by their dad. Is this going to be detrimental to their mental health in the long term? (Situation synthesized from conversation)

Allowing responsible teenagers to become fully involved in shaping their own circumstances is ideal. While implementing your proposal is unlikely to cause any long term damage, including your ex-husband and your children in a face-to-face discussion regarding these changes will only stand to benefit everyone.