Addressing jealousy…

by Rod Smith

Jealousy will remove purity from your relationship. Since jealousy expresses the very opposite of trust, once the jealousy virus entrenches itself (which it usually does perversely in the name of love) you and your relationship will become something you do not want to be. Freedom will be displaced by resentment.

The jealous person will behave in ways other than preferred and will become progressively controlling, demanding, and quite unattractive. In response, the victim will begin to behave in ways other than preferred, and, over time, will lose his or her self-respect. Love that might once have existed will be replaced with resentment and regret.

Of course, he or she can’t be authentic, relaxed, honest, and off-guard when driven by jealousy. And, of course, the “victim” of jealousy cannot be authentic, relaxed, honest, and off-guard when he or she knows suspicious eyes are monitoring every move.

To be free, and if the individuals and the relationship are to survive, the virus has to be named, exposed, expelled, and then consistently resisted. The victim must learn to refuse to obey its demands and must remain out of control. The perpetrator must learn that the behavior he or she believed would sustain the relationship will rip it to irreparable shreds.

5 Comments to “Addressing jealousy…”

  1. so how do you make that person understand they are driving you away with their jealousy and suspicions? I have tried to tell him but he just says he is a man and why cant he be jealous of his woman.

  2. I have been with my husband for almost 6 years and married for 5 of them. I didn’t realize before we got married how jealous he really is. Over the last 5 years it has gotten really bad. He gets into my email accounts and digs until he finds something that he can question me about for days on end. I feel like I have to ask permission to go anywhere. I have to ask for money because my whole check goes into his checking account. He is gone alot (traveling for work) and while he is gone he has me on the phone most of the day and night, except for sleep time. He wants to know what I talk to my family members (eg my sons, grandmother etc.) He would check my messenger lists to see if there was anyone he didnt recognize and if there was I would have to tell them who they were and why they were on there. He drinks till he passes out, and after the first 6 or 7 beers he starts on me. He wont let me go to bed when I am tired, and if I manage to, he wakes me up all hours of the night to cook him dinner (and this has to be a full meal.) He reminds me when he leaves that he doesnt want me wearing tight jeans or shirts while he is gone. He says he is only joking, but in reality, he means it. If I wear makeup and I am going somewhere without him, he makes remarks about it. It is getting worse, and now it is to the point that I still love him, I just don’t like him. I have told him that he is just pushing me a way, and he says he will work on it, but it never happens.. what am I supposed to do? Oh and everything is in his name, vehicles, checking and savings accounts etc. It has gotten out of control and now I can’t get out…

  3. Jealousy is a desease! Unless cured he will always be sick! Try couceling, “a mediator”! Keep your appointments so you both feel acountable to someone in regards to your behavior. Go to church! Get to know another couple and have them follow up with you both daily again to help you both be accountable to change. Pray, with the love of Christ all things are possible! Now if he is harming you, GET OUT NOW!!! You will get through this. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and the rest shall be added unto you”! God bless!!

  4. I was married to a man that did not care what I looked like or where I went as long as he had the money to drink and stay drunk for weeks. Before my divorce I went through Gastric By-pass surgery and he went crazy and told me and my daughter to leave. After my divorce I meet who I thought was perfect and then the jealousy started. I worked in a Mans prison making a good living for me and my daughter dispite the finiancial berden the Divorce left me in. He hated my job, he thought that got turned on by the inmates and that I was flirting with the male guards. I was 250 pounds right before my seperation from my husband and I admit that more eyes turned my way now that I was weighing 122. I don’t feel though that my personality should have to change just because my wight did. I was a laugher, talker, hugger, I always talked to co-workers in public and male friends. But now know way I better hind from them and avoid the situation because I will be accused of sleeping with them. I had a dear male friend of mine that was my shoulder to cry on and nothing else and I have not been able to speak to him in because we went out as friends and that was not understood well by my boyfriend at all. “we had to have slept together” and “you know that was everybody else thought that we worked with yall”. I hat jealousy becuase it is killing the person that I am. The friendly never meet a stanger never go with speaking person that I am is dead. One reason is because I have to stay on the phone with him on and off all day at work and any time I go any where with my mom or daughter. I stuck back in bad situation and do not know how to handle it especially since my daughter was gotten attached I feel like I am pulling her apart again…..

  5. How do you get a man who is obviously taken over by his jealousies & insecurities to come to a point where he can realize that it really IS his problem, and not yours? I am married to a man who sounds very much like the one Missy writes about here (minus the alcohol problems). We go to therapy, and he goes on his own, yet no progress is made. He’s so angry, and I am never sure what’s going to drive the next tirade. What makes people have such a dark, black hole inside of them, and CAN IT REALLY BE HEALED?

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