Posts tagged ‘controlling behavior’

February 10, 2008

Addressing jealousy…

by Rod Smith

Jealousy will remove purity from your relationship. Since jealousy expresses the very opposite of trust, once the jealousy virus entrenches itself (which it usually does perversely in the name of love) you and your relationship will become something you do not want to be. Freedom will be displaced by resentment.

The jealous person will behave in ways other than preferred and will become progressively controlling, demanding, and quite unattractive. In response, the victim will begin to behave in ways other than preferred, and, over time, will lose his or her self-respect. Love that might once have existed will be replaced with resentment and regret.

Of course, he or she can’t be authentic, relaxed, honest, and off-guard when driven by jealousy. And, of course, the “victim” of jealousy cannot be authentic, relaxed, honest, and off-guard when he or she knows suspicious eyes are monitoring every move.

To be free, and if the individuals and the relationship are to survive, the virus has to be named, exposed, expelled, and then consistently resisted. The victim must learn to refuse to obey its demands and must remain out of control. The perpetrator must learn that the behavior he or she believed would sustain the relationship will rip it to irreparable shreds.