Things to say, in your own words, to a jealous person…

by Rod Smith

“I am sorry I have facilitated your insecurities by allowing your jealousy to influence my behavior. I will try not to do this anymore. It is not good for either of us. Walking on egg-shells is not how I like to spend my energy.”

“Going out to dinner with my friends (daughter, son, mother, father, brother, sister) is something I like to do and I sometimes like to do it alone. You are perfectly capable of understanding that having other important relationships does not mean I am rejecting you. Healthy adults can keep many relationships going at the same time. Why don’t you try it sometime?”

“We are each better off when honest, even if what we have to say is painful. Keeping you happy is too large a task for me. I hereby give that responsibility back to you. Anger, resentment, and the failure to forgive – all fruits of jealousy – are individual pursuits. You have to take care of this on your own. I am not going to interfere with your journey by trying to resolve your issues for you.”

“To love you is to stay out of your control. I’d rather have no relationships than relationships that inhibit who I am.”

5 Comments to “Things to say, in your own words, to a jealous person…”

  1. Excellent!! I love these! May people find the courage to use these words.

  2. I’m the one who’s always been the jealous partner and I really (desperately) would like to stop being this way. Is there any advice for me? I’ve tried counseling, but too embarrassed about myself to go back.

  3. what did you find out? My husband says he wants to change…but sometimes I think it is a mental issue…is there help?

  4. Dear Rod,

    I was delighted to find your clear “things to say,” list.

    I have used similar formulations to great effect to keep myself free and maintain inegrity in all sorts of relationships with jealous people, including neighbours and work colleagues.

    One friend, formerly very jealous, told me years later that my consistent refusal to do the egg-shells number had helped him to discover new ways to become trustworthy and freer himself!

    To the non-jealous:
    Have compassion on the jealousydoer, who may be suffering deeply! But be honest, and don´t pander to his or her problem, or you will be helping to keep it burning.

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