“We’ve been married for seven years and have two children. We have serious issues. I have been unfaithful. He has been very abusive. After the honeymoon years we found out what type of people we really are. I tried to leave but each time he would get sad and I would run back. He hasn’t hit me for six months. To make matters worse I recently met a man who has made me feel like who I used to feel. I feel I have no right to leave my husband since he hasn’t hurt me in so long. I feel like I would rather live alone then with him. I would feel safer. He has never abused the children but I worry for when they get older. Do I need to save them the trouble of finding out before it’s too late and just leave?” (Letter edited)

You cannot legitimately assess your marriage while another man is in the wings. Somehow, get some distance (breathing space) from both men. Staying because he has not hurt you is perverted logic! Consider long-term safety. Health is defined by what people do, and not by what they don’t do. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends and, within the warmth of community, make a decision,