Archive for February 19th, 2008

February 19, 2008

What can a person do who is the victim of the behavior you wrote about two days ago…?

by Rod Smith

Many would agree with your suggestion that relationships fraught with the symptoms listed in your article (Feb 17) need of renewal. Could you advise what options for renewal are available to a “recipient” of the symptoms described?

When relationships suffer the source is seldom only one partner. It takes two to tangle! (No, I do not mean “tango.”)

The points read “both ways” – there are usually two “perpetrators,” two “victims” – both words are too strong in moderately problematic relationships – and so both persons have “renewal work” to do.

Here’s a start: Stand up. Speak up. Remove guesswork. Stop mind reading. Refuse participation in what you know is destructive. Behave in healthy, unexpected ways. Stay out of control!

If there are proverbial eggshells: dance on them. If something is niggling: find a time to address it. Remember the only things that disappear if you ignore them are you teeth: all the rest stays or goes into hiding and waits to attack you at a later date.

Full (complete, healthy, invigorated, vocal) people are easier to love than vacated shells! Work on yourself. Identify how you allowed yourself to be disrespected.

The fire that returns will either re-ignite your relationship, or destroy it. Both options, I believe, surpass the quiet, destructive virus of relational indifference.