Archive for February 21st, 2008

February 21, 2008

He has a temper…

by Rod Smith

Our daughter is going through a rough time. She was married and widowed. She has a teenage child. She remarried and has a child from her second marriage. Her husband is unpredictable and throws tempers and clashes with the teenager. He tends to live a life as if he were a bachelor and barely helps as a father and husband. The children are here every day we get caught in the trauma as our daughter does confide in us. My husband and I are devout Christians and long to see God take control of their home, which is like a war zone! Can we, as grandparents help, or should we not try to help at all?

Is your daughter “confiding” in you, or is she saying things to you in order to help her to avoid saying what needs to be said to her husband? The difference is very subtle: the results will be very stark.

Throwing a temper suggests your son-in-law feels trapped or overwhelmed, which the couple will need to address, if the marriage is to survive. Helpful help (from you) will support and steer your daughter toward addressing her issues directly with her husband. Unhelpful help occurs when you are enrolled as a shield for one person or the other.

February 21, 2008

Son (6) sometimes comes to our bed at night…

by Rod Smith

A few times a week our son (6) comes to our bed in the night or very early in the morning. Sometimes I am so tired I have no resistance and let him sleep with us. Other times I get up and take him to his bed. I am more concerned about this than my husband is. He says it is no big deal and that he will grow out of it. It is the inconsistency that worries me. Please advise. (Edited)

Relax. Worrying too much can keep you up at night! Your son sleeps in his own bed some nights of the week, and comes to you regularly, but not always. Based on this, I’m going to go with your husband’s attitude.

Persist. Send the child back to his own bed as often as possible, and when you don’t, let him enjoy the warmth and the welcome a loving mother and father offer.

The less fuss you make, the less attention you draw to this matter, the quicker the boy will transition to waking up everyday in his own room.