He has a temper…

by Rod Smith

Our daughter is going through a rough time. She was married and widowed. She has a teenage child. She remarried and has a child from her second marriage. Her husband is unpredictable and throws tempers and clashes with the teenager. He tends to live a life as if he were a bachelor and barely helps as a father and husband. The children are here every day we get caught in the trauma as our daughter does confide in us. My husband and I are devout Christians and long to see God take control of their home, which is like a war zone! Can we, as grandparents help, or should we not try to help at all?

Is your daughter “confiding” in you, or is she saying things to you in order to help her to avoid saying what needs to be said to her husband? The difference is very subtle: the results will be very stark.

Throwing a temper suggests your son-in-law feels trapped or overwhelmed, which the couple will need to address, if the marriage is to survive. Helpful help (from you) will support and steer your daughter toward addressing her issues directly with her husband. Unhelpful help occurs when you are enrolled as a shield for one person or the other.

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