Posts tagged ‘healthy relationships’

August 3, 2015

Designing a life worth sharing

by Rod Smith

Try to be the most generous person you know.

Surely you want to be?

I do.

This is not about possessing abundant resources but it is about being generous with what you do have.

If your life lacks joy you might find, on closer examination, that you’ve been unnecessarily tightfisted.

Meanness is draining. It’s shortsighted.

A lack of joy can be annoying got people who think of themselves “powerful” and entitled to be happy.

Try to be the kindest person you know.

Surely you want to be?

I do.

This is about leveraging opportunities for others and seeking the highest possible good for all within your sphere of influence.

Little is as wearisome as the continual need to negotiate with unkind people – especially if they are in positions of influence.

Don’t be one of them.

I am trying not to be.

Try to be the lowest-maintenance person you know.

I want to be.

This is not about accommodating poor treatment. It is about dropping any sense of entitlement and demanding behavior. Being entitled and demanding denies such a person an experience of authentic community.

It’s hard to let a bully in.

Don’t be one.

February 19, 2008

What can a person do who is the victim of the behavior you wrote about two days ago…?

by Rod Smith

Many would agree with your suggestion that relationships fraught with the symptoms listed in your article (Feb 17) need of renewal. Could you advise what options for renewal are available to a “recipient” of the symptoms described?

When relationships suffer the source is seldom only one partner. It takes two to tangle! (No, I do not mean “tango.”)

The points read “both ways” – there are usually two “perpetrators,” two “victims” – both words are too strong in moderately problematic relationships – and so both persons have “renewal work” to do.

Here’s a start: Stand up. Speak up. Remove guesswork. Stop mind reading. Refuse participation in what you know is destructive. Behave in healthy, unexpected ways. Stay out of control!

If there are proverbial eggshells: dance on them. If something is niggling: find a time to address it. Remember the only things that disappear if you ignore them are you teeth: all the rest stays or goes into hiding and waits to attack you at a later date.

Full (complete, healthy, invigorated, vocal) people are easier to love than vacated shells! Work on yourself. Identify how you allowed yourself to be disrespected.

The fire that returns will either re-ignite your relationship, or destroy it. Both options, I believe, surpass the quiet, destructive virus of relational indifference.