Wife never wants sex…

by Rod Smith

My wife complains when I want sex. When we do have sex she just doesn’t really get involved and says it is all to keep me quiet. I have never been unfaithful and I don’t ever want to be.

There are no easy answers to this deep human issue. You might begin with viewing your bedroom as a metaphor of what is, or is not, occurring in your broader relationships.

Before you look at your wife’s lack of interest in sex with you, you might want to assess your contribution to the wholeness of your marriage and family.

Sexual behavior cannot be understood or “helped” by isolating it from everything else occurring in your marriage and family.

The person who wants sex least, is the person who is holding the reigns of control in the relationship. I’d suggest your wife is tired of “bad” or boring sex, which it sounds to me, is what she experiences with you. Any person with a smidgeon of a “sense of self” would want to stop engaging in “bad” or un-fullfilling sex.

There is no good reason for unfaithfulness. Such action on your part will not help you with the dissatisfaction that exists between you and your wife. It would lead to no long-term good.

I’d suggest you read David Schnarch’s PASSIONATE MARRIAGE. This is a wonderful book for all relationships. While it is very graphic about matters relating to sex, it is never pornographic. Couples wanting to read the book would be wise to invest in two copies rather than try to share one copy! Sharing one copy of this book could ruin the very relationship you want to mend.

7 Comments to “Wife never wants sex…”

  1. CHEAT !!! It feels great, my wife became a bore after we had a couple kids. I tried several things, giving her $ to buy toys at an adult party for us THEY ARE STILL HIDDEN BY HER IN A BOX IN THE GARAGE.. I just cheat at least once a month. I would leave if I did not have kids

  2. It never fails to amaze me how someone will respond based on no facts and say the sex is boring etc… he never mentioned much on the sex other then his wife..read it again..
    “When we do have sex she just doesn’t really get involved ” …dude the truth is that there are some women out there who are just prude women.. it really sucks because if you “did things the right way” then you married her before finding out she sucked in the sexual department and now you are morally bound to this sexually frustrating relationship.. i truly feel for ya cause I’m in the same friggin boat.. i have tried everything and tried everything ihave read from all the biased women out there saying its the man who needs to deliver more romance,.. its the man who needs to help more around the house.. its the man who needs to me more this or more that.. what they never bother going in to is the fact that its NOT ALWAYS THE MAN.

    Our sex life is pretty much gone… we have been married less then 2 years and if we have sex once every 3 or 4 months im lucky. good luck tolorating and try your best to keep faithfull.. the last thing you need is to go after the fruit of another., just hang in there and pray and try to not even give her the pleasure of thinking she is desierable anymore.. let her be the one who has to go without needs being met for a while.. turn the tables for a bit and see if that helps. like the other poster said.. the one who wants the sex the least is in controll… you need to YANK that controll away now or you will forever be at the mercy of her cockophobe.

  3. Like Tony says, just cheat. I have tried as much as possible to start things up again with my wife. 2 years and nothing. You can take as many first steps as you want, but if she isn’t making any effort to take the second then you can do no more. Women will think it is always the man’s fault, but not in 100% of the cases, and definitely not in mine. I cheated quite a few times. I didn’t want to initially, and did it out of frustration and anger, and even felt justified. But now, all that is gone and I will never regret it. My wife does not want to have sex, and I do. Full stop! So now it is just a part of my life she chooses not to be a part of. I started thinking of it as a hobby, or even like masturbation. Inasmuch as there are things in my life she doesn’t get involved in or care to ask about. Like going to the gym, or watching a football match. There are things I have learned not to ask my wife to participate in because she never has said yes. So if I have sex with another woman, it’s just one more thing I do without my wife. There is no emotion in it. Just a quick thrill and then back to my normal (or abnormal) life. I have found that it is the only thing that actually keeps me from dwelling on the lack of sex in the first place. I would rather we do it together, but she doesn’t want to. She is satisfied with living a sexless existence, which I think is sad. But she is not interested in changing. Leave my wife? I have thought about it for ages, and still do. But there is the issue of children. So I cheat. It keeps me focused, I feel more disciplined, I go to the gym more, I can concentrate at work more and am not lost in thought about how to improve my marriage. In short, I stopped caring about sex with my wife. And I feel better for it.

  4. yup guess cheatin is only fair..

  5. I totally agree with Kenny!Woman always put everything on the MAN! Talking about they need to be in the right mood for this..,They need romance for that…don’t get me wrong i try to look at her point of view about it. but…they never put US in the mood for sex. When they want some dick, that’s it, they get it. We want some ass then its all types of excuses,or they give us a maybe knowing damn well it ain’t gone happen..so it’s basically No without saying it right then to keep us quiet for the time being. We been together for a year, and been engaged since Feb. and I already feel like I’m 50 or 60 years old about this! These type of problems are supposed to happen around that age! I’m only 24!!! Shes 29! Also…when we DO have sex..she complain about me taking too long about busting a nut!! Cant win!!!And I’m definatly not a cheater AT ALL!!! frustration…keep ya head up fellas.

    • Cleaning up your language (which I did for you) might make you a little more attractive all round. If you shifted your focus from what you want to what you can contribute you might see some change. You are totally off in your understanding of men in their 50s and 60s. My dear Almost-Still-A-Child, you (and most men) don’t have enough behind the eyes at 24 to have good sex. Work on your need to control others — get a little less demanding and a lot more loving and you may get to grow up a lot and be ready for the kind of sex your partner might want. I hope she reads your post and identifies you (which you did not have the b…s to do) and sees it as her impetus to run a mile.

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