Archive for January 19th, 2006

January 19, 2006

Are you living in “relationship hell”?

by Rod Smith

You walk on eggshells. You fear fallout yet wish for it. You say something then wish you hadn’t. You know that no matter how innocent or insignificant the conflict, whatever occurs will get magnified out of all proportion. Innocent statements will be misinterpreted, misquoted and repeated incorrectly forever. You feel trapped by what is supposed to be love but have second thoughts (actually a million thoughts!) about how love is supposed to feel.

You are usually wrong and you are told you are stupid. When you admit fault, even stupidity, you are at fault for admitting it. When you are right you are wrong for saying so, or you think you are perfect and trying to show others up. If you are silent you are avoiding conflict. If you speak out you are “looking for trouble.”

In your intimate whirlpool white is black, black is white and the water is very murky. Innocence is guilt. Pointing out obvious error is entrapment. You are exhausted with the load of meeting the emotional needs of someone who cannot or will not take responsibility for their own needs. You “share” life with an emotional piranha and yet, for some unfathomable reason, you stay, feeling unable to escape.

January 19, 2006

Ex husband is inconsiderate about time…

by Rod Smith

Reader: “My ex-husband never comes to pick up the children (4 and 7) on time or bring them back to me on time. Being on time has been a problem for him even when we were married! This is very annoying for me but I try to hide my frustrations from the children and so he never sees how it really upsets me. My children love their dad and so I don’t really want to cause a big issue over this but it very inconvenient when I have made plans and he does whatever he wants and then it makes me late.” (Harsh language deleted)

Rod’s Response: What do you expect? He had a time issue when you were married. He has a time issue when you are divorced. I suggest he had a problem being on time when you were dating (and then you probably accomodated it or even thought it was cute!)

Tell him what you’d prefer and he might hear you (some people do grow up!) but don’t count on it! Your children’s visits with their father are very important and so you might have to live with it. Build your plans around this priority.

When the children are older things might change. They will probably not tolerate his poor manners and, by then, he just might have learned that his selfish, inconsiderate behavior has lasting consequences.