Are you living in “relationship hell”?

by Rod Smith

You walk on eggshells. You fear fallout yet wish for it. You say something then wish you hadn’t. You know that no matter how innocent or insignificant the conflict, whatever occurs will get magnified out of all proportion. Innocent statements will be misinterpreted, misquoted and repeated incorrectly forever. You feel trapped by what is supposed to be love but have second thoughts (actually a million thoughts!) about how love is supposed to feel.

You are usually wrong and you are told you are stupid. When you admit fault, even stupidity, you are at fault for admitting it. When you are right you are wrong for saying so, or you think you are perfect and trying to show others up. If you are silent you are avoiding conflict. If you speak out you are “looking for trouble.”

In your intimate whirlpool white is black, black is white and the water is very murky. Innocence is guilt. Pointing out obvious error is entrapment. You are exhausted with the load of meeting the emotional needs of someone who cannot or will not take responsibility for their own needs. You “share” life with an emotional piranha and yet, for some unfathomable reason, you stay, feeling unable to escape.

7 Comments to “Are you living in “relationship hell”?”

  1. oh god, so true. kill me!

  2. This sounds alot like my relationship.
    I have been with my man for 2 years and adored him all that time. He is the only man I have ever loved so completely and I would do anything for him.
    Throughout the relationship there have been problems.. It was slow to get started because of a large age gap me being 21 and him nearly 40, he struggled with the idea of holding me back and dumped me countless times in the beginning every time I was settling down and gaining some sense of security and stability.
    After this I began to see another side of him when I started to go out with him and his friends. He cannot handle his drink and after 2 or 3 he starts to change beyond the man I know and love. He is irrational and impossible to talk to and I only know this much now before I would battle trying to talk sensibly to him when he was drunk and cry myself to sleep over his lack of understanding.
    I have been humiliated many times in public places, shouted at, screamed at sworn at, ignored, left on the street late at night to walk home alone, accused of so many things, dumped by text message at least 20 times for reasons ranging from ‘I cant do this anymore’ to ‘your cheating on me don’t every contact me again’.
    All the while I have been THE most understanding person, I believed I could see the root of his issues as he has had alot of problems in the past and I thought I could help him- forgive him.
    But time after time I start to wonder if he deserves this.. he might have been drunk and not remember the next day but he spat at me and told me to shut up in the middle of a restaurant. He asked me out for a few drinks and after a few too many stormed off and wen I didnt follow straight away, taking the courtesy to say goodbye to his friends he started walking full pace off down the road at 12.30 am leaving me running to catch up as he had all the money and had promised we would get a taxi home.
    I have lost a lot of my social life for him, I have lied to my family, given up alot of my time. I also spent from september to february supporting him buying his food and paying for other odd things out of my student loan while he was unemployed. It is now march and I am being told I am controlling and again being treated poorly after hes had too many pints.
    I sit at home now because he wouldnt let me come back to his because apparently I didnt let him do wot he wanted tonight.. Although he did ring me at 5.30 to ask me to take him into town so I did, then he text me at 7 when he sed he wud be back saying he was staying out and i cud meet him. So i rang and he sed i couldnt meet him untill 8.30 because he wanted time with his mates. So i waited, got a lift down because i couldnt take my car, had 2 drinks, got accused of talking to his mates cos I fancied them, then he left without me walked me home at a pace I couldnt keep up with threatening me every time I asked wot id done wrong by shouting in my face that I better shut the fuck up. Not an hour before that had I offered to cook us a nice meal tomorrow when he had got in from work and yet apparently I ruined the evening…
    I give up I really do, i used to be a strong, confident girl. I know i deserve more and I can do better but I love him and it kills me to think he can treat me like this. Do men every go over things in there head.. do they ever think this girl this beautiful girl has loved me with every inch of her body, given up friends lied to her family, supported me emotionally and financially, forgiven everything iv put her through.. Well it doesnt seem men do think like that. Unless im going out with some sort of ogre I cant do ANYTHING right, I apologise constantly when I know I didnt do anything wrong just in the hope that will clear some air but then I get told to shut up. I cry and then i really get a bollocking he says ‘do I have to listen to this all night’. Iv learnt to keep quiet cover my head with a pillow and grin and bare it. And yet I cant say I ever really get an apology.. I love him so much why is he treating me like this???? (Edited language: Rod)

  3. wow you have it realy bad . I am sorry you are treated that way, 21 is too young to be trapped with a 40 yearold abusive man. He is not worth anymore of your time and energy.Quitely find someon eles. Go on a dating site or what ever you have to do. As soon as you get with someon who treats you right you well forget all about this guy.He doesnt love you. Some men are not caple of love no matter how good they have it. He is out for himself only.I hope you dump him soon aspoosible. He sounds like his yelling could esculate into him hitting you. sounds like you are very emothionaly depenant on him and thats not good. You need to runite with your friends and family and get a support network going so you feel safe and loved agin.
    At 21 you have the world at your feet the more time you spend with this guy the more likely you are to atract the same kind of guy beacuse you are so used to the abuse your numb from it. Find a nice church man or at least someon with out a hot temper. Guy with bad tmeper make you live in hell. You should be out enojoying your life. He is just using you for sex. Hes left you befor beacuse he feels gulit knowing he inst good enough for you and he is way damn to old for you.
    You sound very depressed and should see a doctor and get your life back on track. who cares if the sex is good when everything else is so bad dont know why your with this jerk. Get dressed up and go hang at a bar the rich guys go to. Your with a loser and he is bring you down down down. Please get out of this realionship and save yourself while your still sane.

  4. you have to leave him or anyone like this immediately.

  5. Barbara, it sounds like we are seeing the same man!! I am 54 and he is 59. I do everything I can to satisfy this man only to be disrespected constantly any and every where. He has choked me, left me numerous times, convinced me to co-sign for a car for him, lied about my frends trying to come on to him, embarrassed me in front of all my friends and family on my birthday, had his brothers to disrespect me, tried to put me out of a local club, kissed other womens hands in front of me, talked about the woen he worked with in front of me with his male friends in a seductive way.
    So I know how you feel. I should know better being so much older than you. By the way I’ve also been married twice before him. I still feel like he will change one day and we will live happy ever after. I know this is a fairy-tale belief, but I really feel that it will happen. I’m afrid that he will leave me and stay gone. I don’t feel like I can live without him. I have gone back to church and it is helping a lot. Now when he starts his mess, I turn on my gospel music and he takes his drunk self to sleep. I’ve finally learned that he cannot argue by himself. You are young and you do, (as well as my self) need to get away from him before ou have children by him and he treat them with the same abuse or worse. I’m praying on my situation and I know he is seeing and listening. Its just me being afraid to be alone again.

  6. I am the jerk, the cheater, and everything else you can throw in the pot. I admit my mistakes. I have wronged my significant other but not by cheating. Everything came like a ton of bricks, without warning or communication: the significant is looking elsewhere for attention. Yes, a stab at the heart. I have changed and mended my ways but the wall will not even crumble, not even aware of the good that can be. So empty and anxious, I better get a move on before it becomes critical.

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