Posts tagged ‘blended family’

November 7, 2007

I want to end my affair…

by Rod Smith

“I am in an extra-marital affair and want to end it. I never ceased to loving or being intimate with my husband although my relations with another man have shattered some parts of our marital intimacy at times. I told my husband I also love another man and am sexually attracted to the other man. My husband does not find it wrong.. I think I crossed the border because there appeared dark corners and secrets. Could you share your thoughts about ending the affair?” (Minimally edited the portion presented. But a small portion of a much longer letter.)

I am not going to pretend to know what you should do or suggest you cut all ties and go “cold turkey” from your affair. Men aside, you have to decide what you want. Some emotional space from both men (sexual space, too) might be necessary for you to clear the atmosphere and allow you to see (think, feel, assess, process, clarify) more clearly than you are able to do right now.

While I might be legitimately accused of going against my own advice offered in previous columns, your dilemma portrays the complexity and power of human sexuality.

Sexual behavior is ALWAYS complex and this (its complexities) ought never be downplayed.

Your husband, I’d suggest, finds this (your love and attraction and sexual activities for and with another man) not wrong for deeper reasons than meet the eye.

Face your own dark night of the soul. Decide what kind of woman you want to be. This is what is in the balance.

October 29, 2007

Stepmother reduces her success to 8 principles…

by Rod Smith

I took on two stepchildren twelve years ago who have become wonderful adults who love all their parents. Here are some things I did to make life easier:

  • I didn’t take the place of anyone. I took my place.
  • I didn’t get in the way of their affections for their parents, but expected them to be well mannered and enjoyed their affection when offered.
  • I got out of the way when there was conflict and let the people who had known the children the longest sort it out. If I was a source of the conflict I admitted it, stood my ground, or apologized.
  • I found being rigid doesn’t work too well with any kind of family.
  • I did not get caught up in trying to make everything fair. I realized this was a trap and I wasn’t going to spend my life measuring everything.
  • I got out of the way when the children had conflict with each other and I encouraged their father to do the same.
  • When I did not have full cooperation from my husband I let him know immediately.
  • I was friendly with the children’s mother so we could cooperate regarding the children.

(Synthesized from a conversation)