Feedback from Monday

Bowen Theory / its origins

Suggested reading: Failure of Nerve by Ed Freidman  

The 8 principles of Family Systems

Triangles

Differentiation of self

Nuclear family emotional process

Family projection process

Transmission process

Cutoff

Sibling position

Societal emotional process.

A flow chart or diagram of a person’s family of origin and extended family — usually three generations although people often invest more time and energy and “go back” another two or three generations.

There are many symbols and distinctive markings people use and each practitioner usually develops his or her own style.

A GENOGRAM is PREDICTIVE but not DETERMINATIVE.

Getting required information from your family may be a challenge and an exercise in healing in itself.

Creating a Genogram is an on-going exercise and it will change as a family changes with births, deaths, marriages, adoptions and divorces.

People can and do “defy” the predictions that reveal themselves (addictions, unwanted patterns, cut-offs, fusions) in a Genogram but are unlikely to do so without a committed plan toward greater individual health.

Calm or chaos in one generation is likely to “flow through” the system.

Monday / Family Systems 

MAY 1, 2023

THINKING 

• A “new” way of thinking – well, not really. There are many ways in which you are already a seasoned and expert in systemic thinking. Do you drive? Ever thought of how complex an International Airport is?
• Linear Thinking or Systemic Thinking 
• Non-Living Systems / Living Systems / The Body of Christ. 1Co 12:12 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.

BEING 

• Time to focus on SELF and to get focus off OTHERS – you are a PERSON – become an expert in YOUR behavior, The People you love will probably survive without your intense focus but they might sizzle (or fry) from it.  
• Jesus had a thorough self-knowledge and understood His relationships and was never taken off guard by others. Jesus Perfected the art of DIFFERENTIATION OF SELF – engage the life-long process to do the same.  

FAMILY SYSTEM 

• Family or Origin – size and position matters.
• You are part of a NETWORK of RELATIONSHIPS – it is called a FAMILY and you are part of a GET to know  yourself WITHIN that system.
• Why I love Bowen Theory and Family Systems  – there are at least 5 reasons, maybe more.

Your DAY 1 challenges:

• Name relationships where you could do with more space (freedom, room to move) – be careful now.
• Name relationships where you could do with more intimacy, more feedback, closeness– be careful now. 
• Name the people whose behavior you are an expert in at the expense of focusing on your behavior. 
• Has anything taught today caused you to experience some pain or sadness – are you willing to name those areas to someone important to you?      

I am I

You are You

We are We

Let Us not ConFuse

The Three

Things to practice until they become second nature and are identified with how others expect you to behave:

Show up, stand up, and speak up for yourself. Suggest, when necessary, that it be rare for others (all others) to have to do very much of any of the three for you. When others try (and they will) politely suggest that you can handle things about yourself, for yourself. If you are called rude or selfish – because you want to take care of yourself and you are able to do so –  point out that expecting others to prop up your life or manage you or be your voice for you, is surely the epitome of selfishness.

Refuse to engage in gossip or “dark” talk about others even if it may be true and spicy and hot off the press. Be above demeaning others as attractive as it may be to some. You are too busy achieving your goals and becoming who you want to become to participate in taking another down or wallowing in another’s troubles.

Train your eye to see goodness and your tongue to report it. Make this a daily habit and you will be inundated with beauty and kindness as your eyes lead you to more and more beauty and as you spread goodness in your wake. Way leads to way, and beauty to beauty.