What do you want? Are you able to articulate your “big picture dreams and desires” in 20 or fewer words. I challenge you to write it. Be careful not to waste your want-quotient. Remember, it is only possible to want for yourself. All other wanting is useless.
How do I learn to love myself?
“Please tell me how to love myself more than I love others. I just don’t know how. I don’t want to become selfish and rude.”
Avoiding self-love (abdication) IS selfish and rude. Loving yourself, part of which entails taking full responsibility for yourself, is not. I am not attempting to persuade my readers to become pushy, self-centered, or demanding. I am simply suggesting that readers do not put their own lives on hold while loving or caring for another.Self-care, self-love, self-awareness is a prerequisite for loving anyone, or anything.
Three simple starters:
1. Stop silencing your own voice. If you do or don’t like something – say so. If you do or do not want something – say so. If your voice has been silenced for a long time expressing it might take others by surprise and you might even be made fun of by those who are accustomed to your silence.
2. Write down, in a private journal, what you want from life using twenty or fewer words. What you want may not include anyone else like “I want my husband to be kind to me”. This is wanting for him, not for you. Kindness is something he has to want!
3. Speak up (cautiously at first) about anything that causes you discomfort where your involvement runs contrary with your values.
We are in a sinking ship….
“My husband became friends with a girl at work. He started staying at work longer than before. Then he started taking 4 or 5 hour hikes with a few ‘male friends.’ Big surprise! I found out that it was with her and only her. Anyway, she moved a thousand miles away. I thought we could once again be his best friend and get back to normal. After a year he tells me that he doesn’t love me and that he hasn’t since last year. He said he didn’t cheat. I explained that even if he never even kissed her, confiding his feelings to her and not to me is a form of cheating. I don’t know what to do. I feel like we are in a sinking ship. I’m the only one trying to bail us out. He’s waiting for it to sink. I still do dearly love him.” (Letter shortened)
I like the metaphor – but there are three ships: yours, his, and the marriage. Bail out your own ship (work on yourself), let him worry about his (don’t try and rescue him) and the marriage ship will take care of itself (which does not men it will survive). Until you love yourself more than you love him you will all go down.
She is the same age as our daughter…..
“Six years ago my husband befriended a young girl who needed his help. She is the same age has our daughter. They started to sms each other and they knew everything about each other. I really had a bad time dealing with it including sleepless nights. I could not understand how they could be so cruel to do this to me. I kept everything to myself, suffering in silence. We are still together and he is still in contact with her, although she has a boyfriend. They now work together so I cannot do anything but pray. My only regret is that I wished I had told the family. I blame myself for allowing it to happen. I choose to stay because of my children so that they could have the love of a father.” (Edited)
Your contributions to this mess are your silence and embracing your role as a victim. It is possible, even after 6 years, to speak up. Take him by surprise and refuse to cooperate with his toxic triangle. What do you have to lose that you have not already lost? Become exceedingly uncooperative with his game so that you may reacquaint yourself with the silent, yet powerful, woman within you.
Every time he switched on his phone he had messages from her……
“My husband had an ‘emotional affair’ with a girl from work. I was suffering post-natal depression and the affair started when he leant on her for support. I was the one who could have done with his support. Nothing physical happened but it almost ended our marriage. Every time he switched his phone on he had messages from her and she would ring him on his way home from work even though they had been on lunch together and seen each other all day. I eventually found him at her house – when he was supposed to be out on business. I told him it had to stop. He said they had become really close. It nearly destroyed me. My husband and I had always been extremely close. This girl knew exactly what she was doing. In the end I told him he had to choose. He chose me and we are still together. He still works with her and it still haunts me now. It caused me an unbearable amount of pain especially given we had such a young child.”
Greater depths of intimacy with someone other than the spouse spells trouble. Taking a stand on your part paid off. It almost always does. Congratulations.
Just for today…..
5 (now 6) Inescapable truths about relationships…
1. From the most casual to the most intimate of relationships people will ultimately, if not immediately, resist control.
2. Forgiveness and grace will ultimately over-power resentment and rigidity.
3. Unless parties are equal and respectful and mutual in every manner an adult-adult relationship will never reach its full potential.
4. While parents are more focused on their children than they are on growth within their own lives, the children will carry the unresolved issues of the over-focused parent.
5. A new beginning, a clean slate, turning over a new leaf (however the metaphor is phrased) is only authentically possible when reasonable attempts have been made to mend the errors of the past.
6. (Submitted by “Lighthouse”) A relative over investment or under performance in a relationship will surely lead to a chaotic correction. While you cannot escape this truth, you can escape the hazard by using discretion when choosing with whom to have relationships and what level of intimacy you share. Choose people whose inclination is to invest at a sustainable level and just let them be themselves… but only if you can commit to the same or people will be escaping from you.
Two reader responses to Friday’s column…..
“Be assured I always read your column and insights. It’s a subtle barometer of human engagement and generally, I agree with your position and comment. Hmm, guess what’s coming next? Yes, I don’t quite concur with what I suspect was a subjective measure of ‘integrity’ and possible moral overtones regarding an ‘affair’ in a marriage of convenience (column on Friday, May 7, 2010). There are many adults that have the emotional maturity, if not jaded view of an ‘institution’ that is out of line with our real lives, to pursue ‘romantic trysts’. Thrilling, rejuvenating, and often causing entropy, it is perfect in our imperfection. Escalating marital disgust but with apathy to end it, is easily derailed by an affair, but it may even serve to repair and build a relationship! An unwavering position of ‘wrongness’ and that ‘heartache’ is a certainty, accords an inappropriate moralism and naiveté upon many adults in such situations.”
“Thanks for warning me regarding the affair I am probably about to begin. I can’t seem to stop myself. I feel like part of me is on some kind of mission.”
Ten, actaully 11, things to think and say to yourself when you get the feeling you are headed for a crises…..
1. I will not panic.
2. There are probably many options I have not considered.
3. How I respond to this will be more important than the issue itself.
4. This is not about specific people; rather it is about the environment I have allowed to develop between or among us.
5. No matter how tough things get I will not resort to lies, making others the scapegoat for any issues.
6. I will enter every conflict with the intention of facing and resolving problems and forgiving my foes.
7. I will enter tough meetings or conflicted circumstances with a spirit of humility, a desire to be a healing presence, and a set of possible solutions.
8. I will promote love and understanding, even at the expense of appearing weak or appearing “wrong”.
9. I will attempt to listen more than I talk.
10. I will not resort to insulting or humiliating others in order to support my position or strengthen my case.
11. I will be responsible for myself, and responsible to and not for others.
I am a no-name-brand woman…..
“I am a ‘no-name-brand woman’ you wrote about. If my husband is favouring a good mood then he will use his made up name for me but never my Christian name. When I insist it is like water off a duck’s back and he uses such a long drawn out tone that I feel like a fool. After so many years of this indifferent approach I have pulled back and do not initiate intimacy. It seems he does not need closeness in his marriage and finds being loving too much of an effort. God forbid he holds my hand in public or puts his arm around me. If we need to walk anywhere he sets the pace and I am left walking 10 paces behind. I am still attractive and have a lovely figure so why does he resent being happy and proud of his wife? He is the breadwinner and always reminds us of that fact and thinks that he provides enough and does not need to provide emotions as well.” (Edited)
You got here together! Take responsibility for cooperating with rudeness and disregard. Become an expert on your behavior, not his. Until you get a voice and are prepared to lose your marriage you will be treated with callous indifference.

