Rod,

I was thinking of you today at lunch. I happened to have snagged a C.S. Lewis book on my way out the door to catch the train to work, and I was reading it at my favorite Indian place. I’d snatched the book just for train-reading, but I’ve noticed with Lewis that after you’ve put him on the shelf for awhile, when you pick him back up he blows your mind all over again. And, I suppose, somehow, you and C.S. Lewis and Anthony Hopkins are all jumbled up and associated with each other in the movie-theater in my head.

The trinity of associations probably grows out of the fact that Anthony Hopkins played C.S. Lewis in ‘The Shadowlands.’ And then you sort of look like Anthony Hopkins, or at least I’ve always thought so. There is, too, the British accent and cadence that thrums in my head when I read the words on the page. But then there is also a deeper connection between you and C.S. Lewis, insofar as you both have played similar, particular and transformative roles. C.S. Lewis having done so passively and abstractly, and you having played a more active, concrete, and engaged role. At any rate, when I came back to the office, I looked you up. I read some things you’ve written recently. I looked at pictures of you and your boys. The boys are quite handsome these days, and they appear happy in the photographs, which made me happy in turn.

The letter I’m always meaning to write you, Rod, has grown and grown in my mind as time has passed, until by now it’s an epistle of such out-sized proportions I don’t think I could ever commit it to paper, or put the majority of it into words in any sequence that would make sense, even if I was just talking to myself.

So instead, I thought, I’ll just write Rod a little note. To tell you that I think of you often, and that things that you once said to me–some of these ideas and principles that you tried to explain to me so long ago– have continued to save me in times of trouble, loosen my anxiety in tight spots, strengthen me when strength has been needed. So, I guess: thank you. A thousand times. The way I’ve lived my life Rod, if you could speed it up it up and stream it together into a single image, has been like a man pulling the trigger to blow his brains out and instead of dying his life is saved.

And, indeed, you did get through to me, Rod. Though it took awhile.

A decade and change, if I’m doing my accounting correctly. By which time, of course, we’d fallen out of touch.

Also, I’ve had occasion to think of you some of these late nights at the office. Recently, it’s become a kind of professional necessity for me to immerse myself in and commit to memory the recent history of Africa. And that gets me thinking about you, too. Both you and your boys.

I just wanted to touch base and let you know that I’m thinking about you, old man. That I love you, that in the body of Christ you are close to me always, feeding me, reanimating me, and reminding me to get my shit together. I love you, Rod.

“After 21-years I found out my wife cheated on me with a single man I thought was my friend. She also got pregnant and had his child. When the child was small everyone said he looked like me. Her lover was the same nationality as myself so that was not hard to misjudge. As the child got into his teens he resembled her lover. The child is 23 now. One day I asked my wife if ‘my friend’ had ever made a pass at her and she ignored me. About a month later I asked her again. She said he tried to kiss her once. Then I remembered I come home early from work sometimes and he’d be at my home. They said he was waiting for me. Neither she nor ‘my friend’ knew I would come home early. I recently came out and asked her if she had an affair and she got upset but did not deny it. Weeks later I again asked her and then she denied it. I stay with her because she was my first real love. I have always loved her.”

Although you have not said it, I will assume your son has brought you both much joy.

“My girlfriend says she loves me and would never cheat on me. The problem is she has had a lot of casual intimate relationships in the past but says she has changed and wants to be with only me for the rest of her life. I would like to know what she does when I am not around. I can’t be around her all the time and when I am not I feel as if she is going back to her old ways. I ask her to call me and to text me every hour or so when we are not together just to be certain she is ok but she doesn’t want to do this. I want her to stay at home with her family when she is not with me just to be safe. Whenever I confront her about this stuff she starts crying. She says I don’t trust her but there is so much that has happened in the past that I think she should do what I ask so she can regain my trust.”

While her past torments you and while you monitor her behavior you will not find a mutual, trusting, and respectful relationship. It is you that has the trust issue.

“My in-laws are the most fantastic people who’d give my husband and me the shirts off their backs and they’d do anything for our children. When I read about families who are cut off from grandparents or from in-laws it makes me so sad. We would live together if it were convenient – but we try to get together as often as possible. I thank God for my husband’s parents who have taken me as a daughter and have given me what I could not get from my own due to sad circumstances that I will not go into here.”

“My wife’s father is really one of my best friends.”

“I call my mother and my step-mother ‘mom’ since they both do the same things.” (Peter, 11)

“My husband is the kindest man I have ever met.”

“The best gift my father gave me was the appreciation of hard work. He played hard because he worked hard and I find myself wanting to do the same.”

Hi Rod,

You probably won’t remember, but in the past you have very kindly printed some of my letters to you in The Mercury here in South Africa, and you have even E-mailed me directly on a couple of occasions. Much appreciated!

Just a touch of news, I was so inspired by your column, I set out and wrote a book on the subject of Divorce, and the shambolic events which take place when one doesn’t quite know what to do, the procedures and all the other elements which make up this sad happening. The title is, “Divorce, a beginners guide!” Much to my great surprise, the book was immediately accepted for publication! Talk about beginners luck!

I would consider it a great honour to send you a copy once the printing is complete, if you would like a copy, please let me have your postal address.

Once again, thanks for everything!

Regards,

Spike Farrell.

“I have been having anxiety attacks for the past 6 years. I had my first one on the freeway. I thought I can’t drive the freeway for awhile. I started getting them in short places. It is really bad for me. I own a taxi and drive for a living. In the past I have had two bad car crashes when I used to drink and drive a lot. I was in a bad crash while I was working one night. A bus pulled right out in front of me and it was bad. It took about 5 months then my attacks got worse! I didn’t drive for about a year and a half but in that time I was getting attacks in the car with other people when I wasn’t even driving. I’m back to work but still get them very, very bad to where I got to stop and have someone who works for me come get me. I have tried programs and nothing is working. Please help.” (Edited spelling only)

If driving is causing you this much anxiety you might want to consider another form of employment other than driving a taxi. While this does not conquer the problem there is something to be said for removing oneself from the immediate contexts where the stresses occur.