Does a woman reveal her past or not? Please help…..

by Rod Smith

“When I was 18 I met man (30) through a dating site. We were both sexually inclined, myself more so because I was exploring. He told me that he had ‘marital discord’ and was separated from his wife. He also had a daughter whom he loved. We got emotionally involved and decided to meet. We met for two days and were intimate. He left saying he would be by my side but wouldn’t marry me. I decided I would never marry anyone if it were not he. We’d used to talk on the phone. After a couple of months his wife and daughter came back. He asked me to be careful when I phoned him. I became more and more insecure. He never understood it. He always called ours a ‘platonic relationship’ and my behavior immature and stopped taking my phone calls altogether. Now I’m 29 and married to a wonderful person but my past haunts me. I’ve started doubting my husband when I know he never hides anything. He doesn’t know anything about my past and I cannot tell him. I love my husband very much but my past is not letting me keep him happy. What do I do?”

Does she reveal her past or not? Readers please help.

8 Comments to “Does a woman reveal her past or not? Please help…..”

  1. I believe that she will never trust him, and he will never understand her present insecure behaviour, until she tells him about her past. It’s like the invisible elephant in the room that she’s ignoring. Her fear and shame won’t be resolved unless she trusts his love for her, and shares this. It’s a risk she needs to take, letting him decide how he will react; but knowing her past is no longer allowed to define her present will be freeing for her.

  2. It seems to me that IF, he IS secure in his relationship with her, and IF they have been open about other issues (not sexual) in their past, and IF she has confided in other (friends or counselors) and tried to get past this haunting past and has been unable, then PERHAPS this is an option.

    But of course, she needs to weigh whether this would actually put a burden on her husband and actually create a division between them.

    This matter, in my opinion should have been dealt with in the courtship stage, but unfortunately it was not.

  3. perfect love casts out fear. The only way to get rid of fear is to shine the light of truth.

  4. Sounds like she needs to forgive herself first for her past. What would be the purpose of sharing the information? She could ask herself that as well.

  5. I agree with Anne. Let the past stay in the past. She needs to forgive herself for falling for someone who was not “that into her”, and try to get the lesson from the experience. Even the most painful experiences have something we can learn, or grow stronger from. There is no point in burdening this “wonderful person” she is married to, other than to have something to hook her insecurities onto, and therefore give the ghosts of the past that haunt her – her insecurities – permission to grow stronger.

  6. The writer says her past is not letting me keep him happy. She can’t make or keep anyone else happy. Happiness is what someone decides for himself. Should she tell her husband? …..Absolutely! Hard to believe it wasn’t discussed when getting serious about each other, but the past is the past…..it’s made her who she is today. Her husband loves her but she is punishing herself through him by not trusting him. Tha’ts not fair. Someone said, forgive yourself. Once you do that youll be closer to to learning how to love….even like……yourself. Then tell your husband…….the truth will set you free! Your marraige might even be fuller and more meaningful.

  7. The issue requires resolution in her heart. She was hurt and the wound hasn’t healed yet. If her husband is skillful and knowleagable in the matters of heart, she can confide with him and ask for his support, guiidance and help to heal the wound. If not, a professional help is required, because deep emotional wounds need a knowleageable person who will skillfully work with the wound to heal it properly.
    My personal stance is that past is past and we got to look forward towards the future. Past does not define us. Past provides the wisdom and experience we need to keep redefining and recreating ourselves every single day. Once her wound is healed, she may never feel sharing the story of her past with the husband, but she will share the wisdom she learned from that experience with her husband through relating to him on deeper and more profound ways.

  8. in my opion,she must forget her past and look forward.i believe in the philosophy OF this URDU POEM hum na kahte the Hali chup raho rast goee me hai ruswai bahut.
    Ahmad India.

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