The 4-Fs of intimacy-avoidance…

by Rod Smith

Attraction is only enduringly possible.....

Do you have the energy to fight for intimacy?

Flight: Running from intimacy – keeping an emotional arm’s length from those who appear want something more, something deeper. This, of course, is not literally running away. People can flee “inside” while appearing to widely embrace others. Often the life and soul of a party, these men and women are frequently attractive and made more so, for some, by their illusiveness.

Fright: Fearing being taken over, or of being “occupied”, this person is constantly on duty, like an armed sentry against a hidden enemy. He or she can scare others almost-involuntarily through expressions of misplaced anger and socially inappropriate behaviors. “He’d edgy. He’s scary. I am not sure why,” you might hear yourself saying.

Fight: Combating sincere attempts at intimacy, this person fights in order to keep people away, even if no one is trying to get closer. Everything becomes about winning or losing; fighting is a way of life, winning is everything. “Just when we get close,” you might find yourself saying, “he/she finds some difficulty with something inextricably me.”

Freeze: Isolating, (“ice-olating”) this person neither runs nor attacks, he or she simply remains emotionally immobilized. This is control through passivity. “The closer I get the more vacant (absent, terrified) he/she appears.” The pursuer will appeal, work, wave, rant, and stamp – to little avail.

2 Responses to “The 4-Fs of intimacy-avoidance…”

  1. So how do you deal with such people?


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