My sons in London and hardly ever make contact…

by Rod Smith

“My sons (22, 24) live in London and hardly ever make contact with us. This is very painful as we have always been a close family. What happens to young people when they go overseas? My friends tell me it is because sons and they are made to fly away. I am not sure who takes it worse, their father or me. If they do phone we feel we can’t say anything as it might stop the phone calls completely. Please help.” (Edited)

Attraction is only enduringly possible.....

Some routine might help.....

Suggest a routine – perhaps a phone call every two weeks on a Sunday evening, their time. If you know when to expect a call it is less likely that your anxiety will spike daily in the hopes that they will call.

Also, suggest each son establishes his own phoning routine.

The “made to fly” theory I do not think holds much water. When I have met young South Africans overseas I’ve met very busy men and women who are often working more than one job, sharing sparse accommodations, and who are busy trying to establish themselves while often longing to be at home in South Africa.

2 Comments to “My sons in London and hardly ever make contact…”

  1. I know the feeling had a similar issue(I would call or text him each Sunday). Skype is a great invention though. Could not have got through the 18months without it.

  2. I am a daughter who doesn’t contact my Mother on a regular basis. I think if the conversation was lighter and without the question, “Why do you not call, do you not care?” I would be inclined to call more often and quite honestly I call out of guilt. You mentioned that you were a close family so that is already different from my situation. They are at that age where they are finding themselves so I’m sure that is more the reason then anything. I am curious, do you call them or do you wait by the phone, jumping like the love sick when it rings? We can pick up on that, and it seems human nature to push away from that, as cruel as that may be. I would suggest that YOU decide when you would like to speak to them, say Sunday at 6pm, make your calls. If they are home, great, keep the conversation light, tell them about the wonderful things you are doing so that you are interesting, and do NOT guilt them for not being the caller. If they are not home, leave a nice message saying that you will call again Sunday and that you love them. All the best.

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