Archive for September 6th, 2010

September 6, 2010

My husband is verbally abusive……

by Rod Smith

“A challenge in my marriage is my husband’s inability to control his emotions. When we have a disagreement he’s verbally abusive and trashes my family and my intelligence. It’s justified as he regards my opposition to his opinions as personal attacks. I am hurt by this verbal abuse. This problem is corrosive to intimacy. The verbal abuse makes me withdraw my affection. He doesn’t make the connection and blames me for only wanting sex once a week.”

If he can't control his tongue......

If he can't control his tongue....

Of course you don’t want sex with a person who trashes you. Verbal abuse will make you want to hide and protect yourself until repentance, repair, and reconciliation has occurred.

I hope you (and every reader) never participate in sexual behavior you yourself do not want.

Respect the natural self-protection mechanisms within you. These are powerful early waning systems to warn you about physically harmful situations. A man who can verbally beat you up is but a moment away from other forms of violence. Why ought he be any better at controlling his fists when he can’t control his tongue?

Your husband’s foul mouth toward you is his responsibility and his issue. Don’t take any blame for it. He’s got to get the help he needs and, while you take any responsibility for it, he will not. Nothing you do causes him to lash out and nothing you do will stop him.

September 6, 2010

Intimacy and its ironies…..

by Rod Smith

Intimacy is an individual pursuit

1. A couple where each person works on his or her individual distinctness, is more likely to find deeper
intimacy with each other than the couple who gives up individuality for each other.

2. Intimacy is found in the connection of differences, and not in the pursuit of sameness or uniformity.

3. A person who cannot be alone will also find difficulty being together.

4. There is no such thing as instant authentic intimacy (as in say a one-night encounter). It can take years to develop and, ironically, it is often, in romantic relationships, distracted in its development by sexual behavior.