Things will get tough before they improve....
Get IN, not OUT!
July 7, 2010
He’s fallen for a massage “gal” who gives him favors…..
July 6, 2010
Signs you are in newfound love……
“I think I am in love. Please give me some positive signs to affirm that I am in love rather than give me a list of warnings about what could go wrong?” (Edited)
Certainly. It will be my pleasure:
You will find communion rather than anxious attraction.....
2. You are more yourself than ever – there are no eggshells to tiptoe over, no topics to avoid, no facades to perpetuate.
3. You find yourself free of any sense of control or possessiveness when it comes to your newfound love.
4. You maintain a life separate from him or her while you are also becoming closer and closer as the relationship grows.
5. You have had sustained talks about faith, finances, career options, and have discussed the hurdles that accompany matters of faith, finances, and career options.
6. You have met his or her immediate and extended family and are doing what you can to embrace and understand their culture, politics, religion, and a general sense of how they live life.
7. You can’t wait for each new day – that you may embrace the possibilities each new day offers.
July 6, 2010
They want to “live together” in our home…..
My son (19) and his girlfriend (18) want to live together in our home. He has a fulltime job but little money. She is a full time student. My wife and I do not agree with this plan and have tuned a blind eye to them regularly being together overnight in our home. If we tell them they cannot live together then he will move away and we will never see them. My wife and I feel trapped. What should we do?
I’d suggest feeling trapped is a feeling you have had long before your son brought home a girlfriend. It’s time to stand up to your son and the ploys you have all allowed to operate in the past.
Try to help your son and his girlfriend (talk with both at the same time) to appreciate the deeper matters. They apparently want an adult intimate relationship without the wallet to sustain it or the desire to commit and make it legal. They want what they can neither emotionally or financially afford. These are the matters worth discussing.
It’s not so much about what is occurring in your home, as distressing as it may be for you. Rather, it’s about whether your son and his girlfriend are sufficiently mature handle the kind of relationship they say they want.
July 1, 2010
Our daughter is very fearful…..
“Our daughter (10) is riddled with fear. She won’t sleep in her room, get up in the night without one of us getting up with her, or even enter her own room after dark to get her clothes for the next morning. She is able to speak very openly and graphically about her fears. Please shed some light on how we can handle this.”
No blame or shame...
Encourage your daughter to write her immediate and long-term goals. Encourage her to plan small steps of growth like being willing to sleep in her own room one or two nights a week. Do not punish her for her worries and concerns – they did not begin with her.
July 1, 2010
I want to get rid of my son’s phone and the Internet – he uses them for porn…..
“My son (15) uses pornography on his cell-phone and on his computer. I think my husband and I should get rid of both. My husband disagrees. We are Christians and I will not allow this sort of thing in our house.”
Technology is not the problem. Monitoring your son’s use of technology is a wise thing to do but getting rid of his access to the Internet is unlikely to solve whatever issue your family has with pornography.
No blame or shame...
Such a discussion will require preparation and unity between you and your husband – it will require acts of purposeful, planned parenting. Dumping the boy’s phone and severing the Internet is easy – but such radical quick fixes will fix nothing and do nothing to enrich your relationship with your son.
July 1, 2010
Mothers write about their sons and pornography…..
I have heard from several mothers of sons (13 to 15) who are toying with Internet pornography. Each mother says her “good boy” who is doing bad things. All but one mother is hesitant to tell the boy’s father because of the father’s health condition or because of how the father will respond. The mothers express love and distress for the children and feel powerless about their sons’ activities. Each letter reads as if the very sky is falling!
it feels like the end....
This is a tough situation but it is not the end of the world. Your son will emerge from this and be a successful man if he (not you) learns to handle his personal issues with some wisdom and restraint.
While you shoulder this alone you are being secretive (like your son) and are adding fuel his secretive front. Getting father involved allows the family to face a family issue (yes, pornography is a family issue).
Using pornography is not a “normal” phase for all boys. It is an addictive, abusive aberration – but your son will not refrain from its use if pushed, punished, or shamed. He is most likely to resist pornography if he understands why it’s damaging and learns about healthy sexuality from a caring, disinterested, adult whom is respects.
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