Partner abuse does not stop at physical violence….

by Rod Smith

Partner abuse is not restricted to physical violence. Emotional and psychological abuse, while leaving no visible scars, can be as devastating as an act of violence. If your relationship is leaving you drained, if it is eroding your confidence, if it is isolating you from others, and if it feels more like a prison sentence than a platform for love and adventure, you are probably in a controlling, abusive relationship.

If any of the following is true for you, I’d suggest you get “outside” help.

1. When you try to talk about your feelings, your partner railroads the discussion, giving you no time to think, feel or express yourself.
2. You can’t discuss what is bothering you.
3. Your partner criticizes, humiliates, and undermines your ideas, dreams, and any views you express.
4. Your partner tries to isolate you from your friends and family.
5. Your partner stops you from working, keeps you “in line” by withholding money.
6. Your partner has stolen from you and run up debts in your name.
7. Your partner destroys things that belonged to you, opens and reads your mail, checks your phone bill and reads your emails.
8. You are afraid of the person you are supposed to be closest to.

One Comment to “Partner abuse does not stop at physical violence….”

  1. Not only does it not stop at acts of overt physical violence, but also it does not stop at overt acts of emotional or psychological abuse …

    Here is a list of the covert ‘silent’ relationship killers for which the primary responsibility lies with the party desiring to use significant amounts of common time, money and/or assets. (Note: only applicable to the big objectives, not every little goal.)

    – Failure to agree objectives (leading to their ‘justifiable’ personal uses of common time, money and assets based upon their access)
    – Failure to agree timing (leading to their ‘justifiable’ personal uses of common time, money and assets based upon their perception of urgency)
    – Failure to agree commitments (leading to their ‘justifiable’ personal uses of common time, money and assets based upon their perception of importance)
    – Failure to agree effort (leading to their ‘justifiable’ personal uses of common time, money and assets based upon their perception of priorities)
    – Failure to make realistic expectations from the above conversations (leading to onerous demands, questioning, and/or verification requirements of your intent, words or actions)
    – Failure to do the agreed to complete their half of your mutually agreed objectives (leading to their disproportionate personal uses of common time, money and assets based upon their personal objectives)
    – Failure to reponsively, kindly, constructively, optimistically, openly, and honestly discuss failure to do any of the above when asked.

    Complex, subtle, hidden issues ? Yes.
    Required to try your best to fulfil your own responsibilities ? Yes.
    Required to try your best to defend against their failure to fulfil their own responsibilities ? Yes.
    Required to take ownership of your mistakes ? Yes.
    Required to make amends for your mistakes ? Yes.
    Required to learn from your mistakes ? Yes.
    Perfection the standard ? No, it’s the journey, not the destination.

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