Archive for September 10th, 2007

September 10, 2007

Ex interferes in our relationship…

by Rod Smith

I have being dating a man for two years. I love him and I would love to marry him. His ex-girlfriend keeps interfering in our relationship. I found her business card in his car three months into our relationship but I know his friend gave it to him. I got over this and believed him. Recently I found her identity document in his car and he says he has no idea how it got there. He did admit he saw her that day but they had no physical contact and she didn’t jump into the car, yet he has no explanation as to how her identity document got under his seat in the car. I really want to stay in this relationship and make it work. What should I do? I’m clueless as to how to try to make it work or will I ever be able to get this girl out of our lives.

Rod’s Reply: And this is love? Scurrying around under car seats for evidence of a visit with a former girlfriend! You are not ready for each other, for marriage, or even for monogamous dating. There are good men out there – I’d suggest you move on in the hope of finding one.

September 10, 2007

Should I write a letter to my in-laws about how they treat me……?

by Rod Smith

Would it be fair to my husband to write a letter to his family in order to distance myself from them? I have had hostility and rejection from them for 25 years. The sting of rejection has now become unbearable and I feel uncomfortable in their presence. They never ask how we are or make conversation with me or enquire after my loved ones. I feel their resentment and have never understood why. Would this break down my marriage, as my husband is passive, peacemaker and will not confront them on this issue, so I feel isolated, misunderstood? I am a good, caring, kind person, but they way they treat me is conflicting with my values and feel I need to put a voice to my feelings. (Minimally edited)

Rod’s reply: Writing a letter will not be understood (or appreciated) and it will only serve to offer fuel to the rejection you already experience. Share your painful feelings with a trusted friend.

Remain polite to those who treat you so poorly without going out of your way to engage, or to disengage them.

You are concerned about what is fair to your husband while he is passive (unfair) regarding your pain. Perhaps will come the day your husband will see that passivity can be as abusive and damaging as violence.