Archive for September 21st, 2007

September 21, 2007

Marrying: What’s the rush? / Guest Writer, Corinne Edwards

by Rod Smith

http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/marrying-whats-the-rush

“You’re good looking. How come nobody ever married YOU?’

I was 20. The question was asked by Mickey – I’ll never forget his name – at a wedding. I was maid of honor for the fifth time that year for friends who had achieved the honor of someone marrying them!

I felt so shamed. So unworthy. Embarrassed.

Indeed. Why hadn’t anyone married ME? The simple answer, although I had dated a lot in high school and college, was nobody asked.

The age at which you get that question has been raised. You don’t get the interrogation until you are about 25. That is when if you are not “hooked up” in some way – in an exclusive relationship, living with someone or engaged.

Your mother is saying, “Give him some time. He’s a nice young man. Maybe you will learn to love him. Maybe he has friends he can introduce you to.”

My feeling is after the first or by the second date, you know if the person is right for you. And, please. Men never introduce you to a buddy. It is not done. If one of their friends takes an interest in you, they are dust.

Special note here: Do you know who will introduce you? Mothers. No, not your mother. Other mothers. Get involved in your church or temple – not just the singles group – with the committees. They are full of mothers who are desperate because their handsome 30 year old sons are not settled down. They are dying for a sweet, educated, adorable young thing like you. Mothers are still the matchmakers today they were in centuries past.

Your friends say, “Well, at least you’re dating.” So? You are just spending time with “Mr. Right Now.” You are wasting time and energy. Go to the gym. Read a book. Write one. Get involved in charitable organizations. (Get to know more mothers!)

I have had several young women in my life coach practice. They have a plan.

This seems to be the approximate drill:

22-25 Out of college. Establishing a career. Looking for the “one”

25-26 Career in place. Serious dating with one person

26-27 Engaged and moving in together

27-28 Getting married

30 BABY

This is not a discourse on trashing goals. I believe in goals. They work.
But it is a suggestion to not let the schedule you have set govern your decisions. Don’t settle for someone because he suitable and is on your time line and seems “good enough.” Loving someone a little is not good enough. Wait.

We have all heard that the divorce rate is now just over 50%. But, this week, the Chicago Tribune reported an interesting statistic. The marriages, on average, lasted eight years total. Do you remember the old film, “The Seven Year Itch?” It’s not a comedy after all. You will have two children by then.

I married at 21. The basis for the marriage was that he was handsome and the captain of the football team and I was a cheerleader. Great reasons, right? But the real reason was because everyone else was getting married. Oddly enough, given this latest statistic, it lasted eight years.

Society’s insistence that we are coupled does not stop as you get older. The Noah’s Ark mentality never stops!

I had been a widow exactly two months when this conversation took place in my office. I kid you not. This is a scene from a script I am writing but it is absolutely true word for word. So, you adorable young women out here – you are not alone!

Corinne enters her office.

Two ELDERLY LADY clients are seated. They stand to greet her.

ELDERLY LADY – ONE

We came in personally to pick up our tickets to Florida. You look wonderful.

ELDERLY LADY – TWO

Sorry to hear about your terrible loss. How are you, dear?

Corinne starts to answer but the ladies continue to talk.

ELDERLY LADY – ONE

You’re a young, attractive woman. You’ll find someone. Don’t wait too long. A woman without a man is a terrible thing.

Corinne hands the ladies an envelope with their tickets.

ELDERLY LADY – TWO

Take my advice. Look for someone younger this time. They last longer.

As they leave, one of the ladies turns back to Corinne with a confidential whisper.

ELDERLY LADY – ONE

Are you seeing anyone yet?

I have neighbors in their 90’s. God is the only one who knows how long they have been married. I am sure that in all that time, they have had their ups and downs.

They are not in perfect health but they have no extra help. He helps her. She helps him.

Today was a beautiful day and as I glanced out of my window, I saw them sitting outside in the sunshine. They were seated side by side on the patio, both reading.

But they were also holding hands.

I want some of that. Don’t you?