Archive for September 18th, 2007

September 18, 2007

This friendship is too much. Is it okay to cut it off?

by Rod Smith

I am in a “friendship” that is too much. A co-worker wants all of my time. She wants me to phone her to see if she is having a good day (she’s an office away!) and then when I do she says I am only doing it because I know she wants me to – and that the phone call is therefore not real! I have a husband and children and she wants me to be her best friend. Almost everyday there is an issue about my not being a really true friend. Is it acceptable to cut this relationship off?

Yes. Cut it off, or establish very firm, non-negotiable boundaries. Do it firmly, kindly, gently (“quick and clean”) and with the full knowledge that you are going to be considered the “bad guy” once the break is made or the boundaries declared.

This person wants (needs) from you what innocent and casual friendships are not of capable of offering, and the pressure for each of you is destructive. Be assured that it is very unlikely that yours is the first relationship with this person within which she has demonstrated similar symptoms.

A good mental health professional could assist your troubled “friend” – but allow her the space to discover that for herself.