Fixing others, in the hope of finding happiness….

by Rod Smith

I got a visit from Jill today. She spent an hour telling me all the things wrong with her boyfriend, Jack. Word, words, words, details and more details filled the room. I decided there is no human, no matter how loving, kind and patient, who could fill the hole of dissatisfaction in Jill’s life. She is so convinced that if she can just “fix” Jack and make him the “right” kind of person, all her unhappiness will cease.

Jill demonstrated again that unhappy people have an uncontrollable urge to meddle in the lives of others. This is most evident with “loved” ones. To try to fix, coerce, push, and make others into what we think they should be, is not the fruit of love. Love doesn’t do any of these things. It offers support and encouragement when someone wants to change but it resists the temptation to try and change others.

Oh, dear Jill, get your eyes off all that is “wrong” with Jack, and see that your misery continues because you refuse to accept others as they are. Focus on what you can improve about who you are. Give Jack, and the imperfect world around you, a break!

3 Comments to “Fixing others, in the hope of finding happiness….”

  1. Rod,
    I agree, the problem isn’t Jack, never was, never will be. The answer and fix lies within.

  2. Wow, well said. I’m so glad I came upon you space… provoking, to say the least! This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother (years ago) about my step father. After listening to her rant (for what felt like the billionth time) I asked her… “do you think that your expectations might need a tweak or two, Mom?” I realized as she was talking that she continued to complain about the same things year after year… wouldn’t it be easier to simply accept the man for who he is, and stop setting herself up for disappointment day in and day out? She agreed, and asked me through a sheepish grin… “how did you get so smart?”. lol Sometimes perspective can be a beautiful thing!! I hope you don’t mind if I visit again, it looks as though there is a ton of good reading here! 🙂

  3. This usually happens when people want to run away from the idea and practice of changing themselves. Instead of working on our happiness, we tend to postpone what we can do about our own. Meanwhile, we tend to attack to anything that can count as a mean to run away from self. It is a pity.

    I propose that it should be changed next time :).

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