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Girlfriend throws tantrums……

by Rod Smith

“Whenever my girlfriend gets upset she throws tantrums – which I find to be an interesting tactic. I’ve started treating my girlfriend’s behavior with as if she is was a young toddler, so I ignore her tantrums and don’t let her get her own way. Most people give up tantrums by at least the age of 14! I’ve also started editing what I say because almost everything, and anything, I say can end with an emotional explosion. I didn’t even speak today because I was scared to be verbally attacked. I think she needs a psychiatrist urgently! Does this sound like bullying (or should she be) a mental patient? Her dad threatened to beat me up too. ALL the women in the family are divorced! Warning bells: RING-A-LING-A-LING! What is really irritating is that she spouts about being compassionate and talks of “unconditional love.” I think she has a slight distortion of reality!”

Call me... 317 694 8669 (USA)

Call me... 317 694 8669 (USA)

Warning bells RING-A-LING-A-LING: people are often attracted to persons who are at similar levels of emotional development. Are you a toddler too? Now that you have attempted to assess the mental health of your girlfriend, you might take some time to assess the status of your own mental health. Being so focused on her instabilities appears to blind you to your own.

Posted on March 26, 2007 at 7:41 am in Attraction   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

10 Comments to “Girlfriend throws tantrums……”

    
  1. tobeme's avatar
    tobeme
    March 26, 2007 at 9:32 am

    Rod,
    Good point, otherwise why would this person continue to stay in such a toxic relationship.
    Run, run now.

    Reply
  2. Older Male / My advice's avatar
    Older Male / My advice
    April 7, 2007 at 1:17 am

    Dude, sounds like yu have a bunny boiler!!!

    Tell her you have to go away overseas with work for a month on a special assignment, then, change your mobile telephone number, change locks on your doors, change your email address, move house if possible.

    Get the hell out of that relationship before her misery consumes you and destroys your life.

    She is well on the way to joining the rest of the 45+ woman out there who from my observations are nearly all, grumpy, miserable, bitter and twisted old cows. Run for your life……..!!!

    Run like you have never ran before!

    Reply
  3. Tez's avatar
    Tez
    April 22, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    Run run now. My housemate is in a similar sitch. The gf moved next door 3 months after they began. Is always at our house. Talks of maraige n parenthood. She confided 1nce she throws tanties 2 get attention. She wil pul it if he is not totally focused on her or she wants somethin. She whines at him or treats him like crap. None of his friends can stand her. But thats ok. He is only allowed 2 go out if its 2 her stuff. She brings toxin n tension everywhere she goes. Get out before its too late for u 2!

    Reply
  4. Anon's avatar
    Anon
    January 16, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    Sorry, Rod. I do not agree. The girl seems to have emotional difficulties and sounds like there are a lot of disrupted boundaries in the family. I agree that there are warning bells and it is often confusing for people who in all their sincerity, love people with problems. The guy is confused and he does use an unfortunate choice of words in calling her mental.

    However, Rod, before you start to comment on his mental state and level of emotional development, would you like to take a look at the strength of your own emotional response? Obviously, there has been a psychodynamic process set up here which has elicited anger from the guy and from you too. It’s called countertransference. In an ideal world, the guy would look into his own emotional development and so would you and I.

    Btw, it is difficult for experienced mental health professionals to keep a balanced non-polarised viewpoint in cases similar to this one.

    Reply
  5. Rod Smith's avatar
    Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
    January 16, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Thanks, Anon, I am challenged by your insights… and, btw, I am usually somewhat aware (as aware as I hope I can be) of the influence of my own issues both in working with others and in writing for this and other audiences…..!

    I will think on my reply expressed above — it seems like such a long time since I wrote what you have read. I wonder what I was facing at the time…..!

    Rod Smith

    Reply
  6. anakris's avatar
    anakris
    November 21, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    You might want to analyze what YOU are doing to upset her. Mental or emotional cruelty can bring out temper tantrums in a partner. Does she throw tantrums with other people or only when she is around you? That could be a tip off. People rarely throw tantrums unless there are good reasons. You might be the type of person who needs to look good by making her look like the problem.

    Reply
  7. Unknown's avatar
    Stuck
    September 7, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Rod,

    You’re right. I’m in a similar situation with a wife who uses tantrums (usually not big ones, just intense enough to sting) as her primary modus operandi with regard to anything that crosses her.

    Of course, if I was more “healthy”, I wouldn’t be in this relationship.

    Still, my wife has a serious problem, and doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge it. She uses the tantrum approach with pretty much everything that crosses her, but I get a bigger share of this treatment because I happen to have many more opportunities to be the reason she has tantrums. BTW, a lot of the “reasons” are imagined — e.g. she misplaces her keys, and then attacks me for putting them somewhere, when in reality I had nothing to do with the keys being misplaced.

    Yeah, yeah, why stay with her? There are some forms of security in staying, and staying has it costs…

    If I was “healthy”, I’m sure I would find the “costs” to far exceed the benefits.

    Reply
  8. Unknown's avatar
    Luke
    June 13, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    I deal with a very similar thing from my wife, whom I love and who loves me, and I can promise you my attitude and maturity levels are that of a hard working man, who understands his responsibilities in life. My wife didn’t throw tantrums before, but she’s a very stubborn young lady. She gets mad at the slightest thing, and holds the grudge for days.

    I’m an Operation Iraqi Freedom vet, and still work hard for Uncle Sam, and my lovely wife is working full time and going to school, but as soon as you tell her you wanna go and spend a few hours with your friends before they deploy, alllllhell breaks loose.

    My response to the original poster isn’t based off any science, just experience.

    If you love the girl, and your life isn’t suffering more than what you go through at the time of the tantrum, then oh well, every one is different, and you gotta remember that it’s all about patience and sacrifice. Unless you’re just wanting to screw around…then maybe you should run.

    Reply
  9. Unknown's avatar
    Anonymous
    August 4, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    [INCLUSION OF THIS COMMENT DOES NOT MEAN I ENDORSE IT’S RIDICULOUS SENTIMENTS – I include it to show how absurd are some ways of the world.
    Rod Smith]

    Ignoring her improper attitude will not help, it just won’t. Girls do not respond cannot respond to that what girls do respond to is what girls need is discipline you said you were treating this behaviour like a toddler well I won’t be spanking my toddler but I will spank my daughter when she’s older and acts up or disobeys me as I do to her mom that’s right man I spank my fiancée why I just said it “man” because it’s a man’s right, responsibility and delight to keep order in HIS household and yes sometimes that means turning your wife over your knee but there’s no need to wait until she has your surname to administer her punishments she needs your guidance your discipline today believe or not or do she wants you to take her in hand maybe not consciously but certainly subconsciously ladies are literally wired that way and if you feel weird spanking a full grow woman don’t because it’s in your nature you’re wired that way too. And as for her father he’s being instinctually protective because you’re not protecting his little girl by keeping her line and he also might feel guilty for not being able to control his own wife like you said all the women in the family are divorced so just assert yourself and stand your ground you are a man act like one and tell your girl to act like a woman and stop with the dissing you which you know means to diss someone means either disrespecting or disobeying them and that’s just not on. So don’t diss (disregard) your girl’s insubordinations instead embrace them embrace the fact she needs discipline (there’s another diss) and help her overcome her rebellious attitude and become a woman after all a boy becomes a man at 18 a girl becomes a woman only once she is living a life in deference of her husband…

    Ellespanker

    Reply
    

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