He wants sex to see if we are “sexually compatible” before we can go on…

by Rod Smith

Reader’s Question: My boyfriend says we have to have sex to see if we are sexually compatible before he will continue seeing me. What do you think?

Rod’s Answer: What an old and ridiculous line. Move on! Your boyfriend is what I call a “pp” or “penis propelled.” If you really want to assess sexual compatibility it can be done without removing a single item of clothing!

First, compare credit reports and financial statements to see how each of you handles money. How you respect, use and save money, will exert more power over your long-term sexual compatibility than any immediate sexual encounter will indicate. It’s very hard to be passionate, faithful lovers when you are fighting over maxed-out credit cards.

Second: Compare your attitudes toward and your relationships with your immediate family. You can tell everything worth knowing about a person by how they respect and appreciate their parents and siblings. People who show little respect for their immediate family, or little desire to care for them, are unlikely to be a successful long-term husbands or wives, no matter how good or passionate they might be in a bedroom.

Third: Assess attitudes toward hard work. A shared, healthy attitude and high regard for hard, honest work, will give both of you useful insight into your long-term compatibility much more effectively than will the immediate experimentation with each other’s bodies.

4 Comments to “He wants sex to see if we are “sexually compatible” before we can go on…”

  1. Rod’s Answer: “…You can tell everything worth knowing about a person by how they respect and appreciate their parents and siblings. People who show little respect for their immediate family,…”

    This is SO WRONG, simplistic, and narrow-minded! Rod’s answer completely ignores the deep psychological issues of dysfunctional families. He apparently expects victims of spousal abuse, incest, and childhood neglect and abandonment to simply brush it off. Au contraire…, we live with the lifetime consequences.

  2. Thanks, Wordist, for your comment and your insight.

    One had better learn to deal with all manner of hurtful life circumstances and consequences, neglect and abuse, (and everything else life throws at some people) if one is to enter into healthy and life-long, committed relationships.

    Believe me, I know what it is to be a victim, yet I now have a healthy respect (distance from, appropriate regard for) even for those who most hurt me (as a child). After many years, I have learned to live without much blame, and that has made a HUGE difference.

    Even the most troubled parents can receive appropriate regard from a healthy son or daughter — and I am not talking about denying the past or brushing it off — there are shades in between.

    Thanks for helping me think — when and if I modify my opinion on this matter I will readily correct the entry and apologize.

    Rod Smith

  3. I disagree with Wordist. As a survivor of incest and a completely dysfunctional family, I wish I had worked through issues with my family (even if just on my own) before moving forward in my romantic life. I rushed headlong into a marriage with a man who treats me exactly like my family did (coincidence?), and six months into it, I’m being treated the same way I was as a kid. I’m also responding the same way I did as a kid…by rebelling, shutting down, numbing myself, picking fights, and tolerating abuse. While it’s not possible to get along in every family situation, you have to at least find peace with yourself and your upbringing before you can commit wholly to another person. People learn how to give and receive romantically from their family environment. If you can’t be respectful toward family members, or at least understand what is required to be responsible and respectful toward loved ones in a healthy way, it will always carry over into your romantic life.

  4. Thanks for your comment, Rhea. You are very insightful…. and I know from my own life that insight is often a two-edged sword.

    Thanks for reading and responding.

    Rod Smith

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