Which self within you will reign this hour, during this encounter, or this day?

• Anxious self: anxiety messes with hearing, seeing, assessing and is reactionary and so unhelpful decisions are usually made. The anxious self needs time to settle, take stock, reassess.

• Angry self: anger driven decisions usually have in-built vengeance or hurt as part of any process. Anger driven moments lead to damage and usually remorse. 

• Victim self: the victim defends and protects and decisions are hardly decisions at all but drawn out processes cloaked in “poor me” non-thinking. This may lead to short-lived unhelpful sympathy from others.

• Arrogant self: arrogance blinds and deafens, makes the needs and cares of others hard to see let alone acknowledge and respect. Arrogance pushes others out of the way. 

• Indifferent self: indifference is neutral blindness toward others. It inures, it separates the indifferent from others and from him or herself.

• Flippant self: the flippant flaunts though times others find tough as if everything is a joke and of no consequence. Flippancy is pseudo protection and denial with little more to offer than brief moments where the joke feels real. 

• Sane self:  the sane self stops and thinks, weighs pros and cons, takes time for deliberate thought regarding how decisions and behaviors impact self and others. The sane self looks ahead. 

Seek your sane self and “live” from there! 

It’s the place to be

My personal challenges offered to me by me…..and, I’d love to read yours to you:

• Resist the urge to know, teach, correct, and walk into circumstances you think familiar but perhaps are not. Your belief that someone or something or some circumstance is familiar is the very belief that renders you at least an arm’s length (maybe much more) from learning anything new or loving in helpful ways.

• Welcome the inevitable necessity of death preceding new life as in “a seed must die before it can produce fruit” and therefore cast off familiar labels and that which demands connection to the life you wish to leave and therefore holds you back from the life you desire to embrace. 

• Trust in new ways while resisting the urge to trust in old ways which proved unworthy. It’s ok to question motive, your own and the motives of others. It’s ok to withhold hospitality and generosity as you conduct possible due diligence. Trust is not diluted because it takes time.

• Declare with gentleness ways in which you want to be loved without apology. Love demands nothing of another but gentle declarations of what’s wanted and needed can assist love to flourish.

“Yes” is a powerful word if it comes from the power center of your life, which, of course, not every “yes” does. 

If your “yes”  comes from the power others have over you – by your complicity or their seductive complexity into which you may have surrendered, your “yes” may land you in hot water. 

Let your “yes” to opportunities come from the unique you, a person who is  not pushed or pulled to please or appease but speaks from a solid sense of who you are and what you want and who also tabulates your history of good and not too wise choices into your deeply considered “yes.”

“No” is a powerful choice, a definer of limits and setter of boundaries, but it too can emanate from fear of displeasing others or fear of imagined dangers from sources known or unknown.

“No” is a door closer and often on doors best left shut while “no” can also block possibilities of life-giving and new adventures. 

“Let me think about it” is also a powerful response to the invitations life offers. It gives space and time to weigh variables and assess assets and revisit goals. 

“Yes” or “no” or “let me think about it” are all gateways to greater emotional health when they come from your solid, healthy self.

There is incredible beauty and generosity and kindness in our immediate environment if we have the eyes to see it and the courage to embrace it and the willingness to be a part of it. 

Yes, there are shootings and there are liars and thieves all of which (and whom) cause distress and grief and much more, but goodness and beauty far outweighs the powers of all that seeks to ruin. 

All people are beautiful. 

There’s gold in everyone, even in those who seek to do us harm.

I myself have been misguided for so many years and harshly judged others many times I can hardly expect others to possess “less misguideness” than I “enjoyed.” 

Some years ago I met a young man – at the request of his church – who’d committed a double murder.  

After an hour or two once the trust barriers were broken and, despite the steel bars that separated us, I saw his beauty.

I saw it every time we met. 

No, I don’t think I lost sight of his dastardly and brutal acts or of the pain he’d inflicted on so many, but, I did see his humanity. 

I did encounter his beauty, the handprint of a loving God in his life.

It’s there, dig deep into your own magnificence and you’ll see it in others, all others.

Greet all people with a smile, even if you’re faking it. It’s not insincerity. It’s being polite. It’s refusing to infect others with your inner discontent. Get rid of your discontent in private, when you’re alone.


Be as clear as possible with plans and expectations so possible hurdles and misunderstandings are minimized. Most people like straightforwardness and honesty more than they like complex surprises that could have easily been avoided. Clarity now usually means fewer confusions later. Try it. 


Talk less. Listen more. Ask questions that assist others to talk more. Promote other people’s dreams and desires. 

Move away from shifting every conversation to focus on you and your interests. Other people are very interesting, perhaps even more interesting than you may be.


Do simple things to lessen the load of others. Open doors, stand back, pick up after yourself, and say “please” and “thank you” a lot. Assume a servant attitude no matter how important you or others may think you are. 

Work at being the most generous, forgiving, and kind person you’ve ever encountered and you’ll be amazed at how many generous, forgiving, and kind people you will repeatedly encounter.