My wife had an affair and I am finding it hard to trust her……

by Rod Smith

The following theme comes to my attention at least several times a month: My wife had an affair. I am finding it hard to trust. Please help.

I can't MAKE you trust me

Trusting a spouse has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with you.

Each person determines his or her levels of trust with all other people – spouse included. If you hadn’t noticed, you trust people in different ways all the time.

I am not suggesting a wayward partner be fully trusted. This is exactly the point. Trust according to your levels of ability to trust, given the history and the circumstances you face.

“Prove I can trust you,” is unfair. If you are one given to suspicion nothing anyone can do will meet your standards. It is likely you will find holes given the most innocent of scenarios. This is the very nature of suspicion. It eats into everything, nothing ultimately satisfies.

A couple shipwrecked by an affair can survive. I have seen it many times. But the couple will face many challenges while the offended partner constantly seeks assurance or repeatedly brings up the past or plays the hurt puppy.

It takes two to tangle – affairs occur in a context.

It takes ONE to be unfaithful – don’t blame your partner for your actions.

It takes two to find reconciliation.

Trust can be fully restored, little by little over an extended period of time.

One Comment to “My wife had an affair and I am finding it hard to trust her……”

  1. I can identify with the brother as I have been in the same situation for sometime. In as much as I am trying my best to put things behind us but the kind of work she does makes her work late and week-ends. Each time she is not home the thought of her doing it sometimes cross my mind and I can’t help it. it even gets worse if I call her cell and she does not respond. I have tried to convince myself that nothing is going on but somehow it keeps coming back.
    I am not sure how to handle this but I am still hanging in there.
    Wish you luck brother

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