Archive for January, 2011

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January 3, 2011

Listen up, Helping Professionals!

by Rod Smith

Attraction is only enduringly poss

I try to remind myself of these things everyday

Therapists, leaders, pastors, teachers, and others in the “helping professions” – in the event you want to grow in your chosen area, here are a few challenges for us all:

1. Manage you own anxiety only and resist attempts to manage the anxiety of all in your sphere of influence. This is the consummate triangle and it will suck you in and drain you of all creative energy.

2. Increase your capacity to embrace the pain of those in your sphere of influence. Your ability to “allow” it to play its course, rather than succumb to the pressure to alleviate it in any manner, will facilitate growth in all parties. Some pain is very helpful. Can you tell the difference between helpful and unhelpful pain? There are no easy formulas.

3. Keep in mind that those who seek your guidance (counsel, assistance) cannot out-grow you while they stay within your assistance and influence. Herein lies the reason it is paramount for you to consciously seek opportunities to fully develop your personal life.

4. You cannot save the world – and while you think you can or should, and while you behave as if it is your responsibility, you will place your family and your health at great risk.

Posted in Anxiety, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Therapeutic Process | Leave a Comment »

January 2, 2011

At the outset of a New Year let’s recognize the impossible…

by Rod Smith

There are some things a person simply cannot do for or to another person, no matter how much commitment there is, how noble are the goals, how much effort or determination is involved, or how significant the need.

This is especially true when people are in love, a condition where people are most inclined to believe in their power to change another person.

It is impossible to make another person:

1. Be happy or fulfilled, angry, change, succeed or fail.
2. Become healthier. (This does not mean that two people cannot work toward their individual health together. It means that one person cannot make another person grow in any manner.)
3. Love you, want you, need you, miss you, or trust you.
4. Love, want, need, miss or be glad to see someone else.
5. See, feel or think in a certain manner for an enduring period.
6. See the light, or get some sense into their lives.
7. Lose or gain weight, save money, want or not want sex.
8. Use or stop using drugs, alcohol and cigarettes or bad language.

Posted in Attraction, Blended families, Boundaries, Communication, Difficult Relationships, Therapeutic Process, Triangles, Triggers, Trust | Leave a Comment »

January 2, 2011

2010 in review – From WordPress, not from Rod

by Rod Smith

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health. The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 190,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 8 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 243 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 1167 posts. There were 110 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 40mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day ever (all years) was July 17, 2008 with 1732 views. The most popular post that day was Best things you can do if your husband says he doesn’t love you…. a woman (Ann) writes…!.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were networkedblogs.com, difficultrelationships.com, facebook.com, google.com, and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for difficult relationships, manipulation in relationships, rodney smith , what to do when your husband doesn’t love you anymore, and when your husband doesn’t love you.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Best things you can do if your husband says he doesn’t love you…. a woman (Ann) writes…! January 2008
92 comments

2

When your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore or want to be married anymore…… November 2006
341 comments

3

My husband told me last night that he did not love me anymore… May 2007
80 comments

4

My wife and best friend had an affair….. November 2007
18 comments

5

Three poisons for love: Manipulation, Intimidation, and Domination March 2006
37 comments

Posted in Difficult Relationships | 2 Comments »

January 1, 2011

He was once a toddler…..

by Rod Smith

I watch my two-year-old son bending at the hip, one foot raised and turning until he falls gloriously to the floor in convulsive laughter. A momentary pain lights somewhere so deep inside me I can hardly tell in which of my internal galaxies it sits. It is swift and pointed, like the touch of a darting and determined fly set loose in my emotional innards.

Then the pain is forgotten, swamped in the exceeding happiness of watching him attack life’s toddler challenges. He’s hungrily learning a language now, having conquered walking and running, and expressing his brand new heart sweetly in partial, ill-formed words and sentences which tumble, jumbled and joyed up all over the house.

Sometimes he runs, singing at the top of his voice like an emergency vehicle out of control. With siren blaring, he sprawls across the floor and careens into a heap of toddler chaos. Recovering, he mounts the coffee table against my flagging will and “hee haas” astride his horse, a precocious knowing smile flashing from his distant meadow.

In all of this activity and fun he eases his way further into my being, a steel pylon thrust securely into waiting, willing ground.

Rod’s road-post from DROID.

Posted in Boundaries, Children, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Family, Living together, Parenting/Children, Single parenting | Leave a Comment »

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