Why is the end of this marriage so hard for me?

by Rod Smith

“I married a man I knew had a drinking problem. We had two children and his behavior never changed. He has stayed the same, drinking and going out, but now there has been an affair. Even the affair wasn’t the breaking point for me. He kept going back to the woman so I finally filed for a divorce. The divorce goes through soon and he has since moved onto a second woman who drinks with him. Why am I taking this so hard even knowing that he wasn’t right for me and that I wouldn’t choose him again?”

Attraction is only enduringly poss

Please, go to Al Anon

He’s the father of your children, you are accustomed to his ways; the stress of living with him has fed some emptiness within you and allowed you to feel needed. There are many ways to attempt to explain the reasons you are finding this termination difficult.

I believe you have accommodated his life, his problems, and his illnesses more than you have loved and treasured your own life – which is a sure-fire formula for you to become as addicted to him and his difficulties as he is to alcohol.

Please, seek out our nearest Al Anon group as soon as possible – even though the divorce is almost final.

3 Comments to “Why is the end of this marriage so hard for me?”

  1. we have common problem. i married this man with my belief that one day he might change but until now his doing the same routine. now i am feed-up with all these drinking and hanging out plus he loves having fun with woman. he’s always high temper (shouting and yelling at me and come to appoint he will physically hurt me.) i try to save our relationship for 10yrs. but i am so tied already. i prefer to stand on my one and build back my self respect. i feel that i already lost my identity just for the marriage to save. i waited for him to fill a divorce since his the one wanting for it. i already advise him that i will do anything to fast track the divorce but until now he never showed up. i am ready to set him free anyway i have nothing to loss. i have a good career i have my family who’s been with me all the way through. and i already told his parents and siblings that i am so tied. i know his family and friends loves me and don’t want our marriage broken but i think i have also first love and respect myself. i just let him do what he want and let god do the rest for him. its painful at first stage but i need to overcome and fight the negative emotion.

    • Aries, it is hard, but I am doing it…I have filed for a divorce after 3 years of trying to save it…and a lifetime of heartache…I lived in a place where I felt lost and hopeless for along time….then I decided enough was enough, I had my amazing children, my wonderful family and friends and most importantly the Lord has made me for a more purposeful life..

      My divorce is almost over and I am on my own, in my own place, etc and I feel like a big weight is lifted off my shoulders….like I have let go of a “problem” child…

      My advice is to take the steps, but when you ready..good luck

  2. Dear Rod,

    Absolutely wonderful advice, thank you so much for what you are doing with your website and your advice:-)

    You have helped many people and I can assure you have made a significant impact in my life too,

    Lenore

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