He’s losing interest in me…….

by Rod Smith

“My boyfriend (21) is losing interest in our relationships. He’s not running around with other girls or anything like that. He’s just not calling as much and is choosing not to be with me. It is cold between us. I am 19 and I don’t want to be alone. How can I get this going again?” (Letter required extensive editing)

A little separation is helpful....

Ease off. Allow him to enjoy his divinely imparted complete freedom. Don’t phone. Don’t plead. Don’t chase. Efforts expended to revitalize the relationship have the potential of making your work too hard. You’ll get exhausted, you will over-function, and become someone you are not. Then, whatever efforts you use to rekindle his interests will only have to be more than doubled to keep him.

You will lose yourself in his pursuit and end up with neither.

Explore your fear of being alone. Do you want this particular young man or is he an escape path for your loneliness? I’d suggest you embark upon several years without a romantic interest. Take the time develop a wide, diverse circle of friends. This will allow you to increasingly discover comfort in being “alone” and you will develop the grace to share your life with a chosen partner and enjoy a healthy, sustainable, non-anxious future.


Whatever you use to attract and keep someone, you will have to continue and increase to sustain the relationship. If a relationship doesn’t have natural energy, it will become a game of hide and seek, and “catch me if you can”. This is usually way too much work for anyone with a growing, healthy sense of self.

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