He checks everything as if I have a history of indiscretions…..

“My husband checks my emails, my cell phone and computer history, and my credit card statements. He also grills me daily about my conversations. He’d really prefer me not to work so he knows where I am and what I am doing but we need the money. You’d think I have a history of indiscretions the way he goes on. He’ll even know I have written this email to you and he won’t be happy about it. What can I do?”

Stand up to him....

Somehow, and potentially at great cost, you are going to have to take back the legitimate power you have over your life. Jealousy and controlling behavior are NEVER signs of love. The man has a virus and cooperating with it (the virus) will only make things worse. While you have been conditioned to think you have few or no options, you have more than you realize.

Understanding you will pay for your actions, stand up to him, change your passwords – do whatever it takes to secure your privacy. That you have nothing to hide doesn’t mean anyone (even your husband) ought to have the freedom to look. Men who have the need to control their wives usually have real control over little else. If, as a result of your stand, he gets a life of his own, he won’t have the need to monitor or be so consumed with yours.

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Posted on September 20, 2009 at 7:03 am in Affairs, Anger, Betrayal, Boundaries, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Domination, High maintenance relationships, Triangles, Victims, Violence, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

One Comment to “He checks everything as if I have a history of indiscretions…..”

1. 
   A troubled wife
   February 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

   i have spent most of my married life(29 yrs) feeling insecure and alone. early in relationship i took on looking in my husbands wallet, and keeping a short leash on him. as the years went on i relaxed and trusted him.he was a good provider and good good father, but in recent yrs he has grow more distant than before and has showed lack of concern for me. recently i became suspicious of his actions. frequenting the bars, staring at his computer. this prompted me to look at his cell phone . i found he had been texting, heavy flirting and had even been making lunch dates with one or more women. this has sent me back to feeling insecure. and i always feel he is lying now. we had started counseling just prior of my discovery. we had discussed divorce. but things have calmed for the time. he doesnt want to go back to conseling.i feel he is keeping on the down low but he still has ideas of roaming. im not sure how to regain my confidence, and if he isnt willing to be an open book how will i regain my trust in him?

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