I am living with my boyfriend and I want to get married. He says marriage is just a piece of paper. What should I do?

Since this has become an issue for you, you move out, or, you move him out. You tell him that marriage is important to you and you will move back after the wedding – if there is one. Inform him that there are many women who are willing to “live with” men without marriage, and that while that was once true for you, it is no longer so. Your boyfriend has been very clear about what he thinks of marriage and so you might take some time to evaluate whether or not you want to spend your future, build a home, rear children, combine resources with a man who regards a sacred commitment and a legal contract with such flippancy. What if he decides your child’s birth certificate is “just a piece of paper”, or your home or car loan is “just a piece of paper” and walks away from the related responsibilities.

You probably have been thinking about marriage for awhile and are following through with the thoughts you have been having and values you are holding. It would be good to explore them even more, perhaps in a journal or getting help from someone who can help you put words to what has brought you to this decision. Solidifying and validating what you are strongly feeling is part of walking into the change you want to see happen in your situation. Following your own value system as it is so totally different to your partner’s will be your ‘next’ step.

Posted on September 5, 2009 at 9:36 pm in Attraction, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL