He prefers to be home alone….

by Rod Smith

“I am stuck between my in-laws and my husband. I am the ‘nice’ one who will communicate, who will visit, who will make suggestions that we meet for meals. My husband will go along with my plans and complain about it all once we are home. He just doesn’t like to be around his family and I do. It seems awful but he really doesn’t seem to like anyone and prefers to go to work and stay at home when he is not working. Believe it or not we have an excellent marriage. I just want him to go out more. What can I do?”



Nothing. It works. You are the social one. He’s not. Let him be. Try to shift your wanting, the willfulness, the desire to implement change in another, off him and onto yourself only. This is NOT selfish, – while trying to impose change upon another, even when it is born of love, IS.

Make your own plans while sometimes inviting – not coercing – him to join you. Once you are in social settings while he is at home, neither “cover” for him nor expose him. Tell people the truth just as you have told me. There’s no crime in wanting to be home alone. Give your husband the room to make his own rhythm with his family. Clearly it is different from yours.

There is a very clear distinction between wanting and manipulating. The very minute our wanting is used to “push” other adults (or using white magic) our love shifts from love into manipulation. Do your own wanting for yourself – wanting your wants upon another is meddling, and a waste of vital energy, and it is a waste of a good want you could be spending more productively on yourself!

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