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What can I do to keep him?

by Rod Smith

“I have been in a relationship for three years and we also live together. Since last month we started fighting about everything. We had a talk last night and he told me he do not know how we can solve this problem. He wants me to loose weight and I do exercise but he still doesn’t seem to see that I’m trying to make him happy. I love him with everything I have do not want loose him. It looks like he does not want be with me no more. What can I do so I don’t loose him? He told me that I have changed and are not the same as i was when we met and when I told him that he changed he didn’t seem to agree. He doesn’t want to have sex with me. He does not hold me at night. He doesn’t tell me by himself that he loves me just when I tell him then he will reply with a loveless tone. Can you please tell me what i can do?”

Victims make most unattractive partners. When you begin to love yourself with “everything you have” you might stop living as a victim. Your over-dependence on this man for your happiness will ultimately drive him (and most men) away.

Posted on November 2, 2008 at 4:35 am in Difficult Relationships   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

3 Comments to “What can I do to keep him?”

    
  1. Lighthouse's avatar
    Lighthouse
    November 3, 2008 at 11:51 am

    The response may have been a bit of a shock and somewhat painful to hear depending on your expectations, but following it will lead you away from the harm of setting yourself up for future disappointments.

    The good news is that you have the power to claim your right to a healthier partner, the bad news is that you can only claim that when you fulfil your responsibility to differentiate what is within your control and what is outwith your control, i.e. what is you, what is your responsibility and what is neither.

    Seems like a lot of work ?

    Yes … but how is the alternative of letting your relationship define your feelings working out for you ?

    Reply
  2. Rod Smith's avatar
    Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
    November 3, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    Excellent, Lighthouse, thanks. You have said it with more grace than I was feeling at the time.

    Rod Smith

    (give me a link to your writing wherever it is)

    Reply
  3. tobeme's avatar
    tobeme
    November 6, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Sounds like he has moved on in his mind and the more you try to hold on the faster he will go. Time to let go and be your self and not what you think he wants you to be.

    Reply
    

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