Archive for November 26th, 2008

November 26, 2008

Good close, unhelpful “close” — it’s about HEALTHY distance…

by Rod Smith

Sometimes people are too close….

  1. Moods seem contagious. (“If you’re down I find myself being down too.”)
  2. Joys, pleasure, pains, ups and downs, resentments and rejections of others, are all “tandem” experiences. (“We do everything together. We even like the same things. We even DON’T like the same people!”)
  3. Looking out for each other (demonstrating care) is rather a form of keeping watch (checking up). (“I love you so much I can’t let you out of my sight. The truth is if you are out of my sight I get eaten up with feeling out of control.”)

Sometimes people have a healthy distance…

  1. Moods seldom “jump ship.” (“I monitor my own emotional life. It’s not helpful if we both feel down at the same time.”)
  2. Joys, pleasure, ups and downs, resentments and rejections of others, are all “individual” experiences. (“Of course we have individual interests. We are vastly different in so many ways. I really like some people he doesn’t really want to spend time with.”)
  3. Looking out for each other (demonstrating care and connection) is an expression of genuine interest. (“We ‘talk’ all day sometimes. Some days I have no idea where she is or who she’s with. That’s how it is when you are busy.”)