Parents tend to blame themselves too much….

by Rod Smith

A note to parents…

Despite your best efforts at providing an encouraging and challenging environment for your children, your children will ultimately determine the degree of their success or failure as adults. Avoid the tendency to blame yourself for every problem your child faces: you are just not that powerful! Popular press will try to place almost all the blame at your door, when, in truth, your son or daughter has to make his own life productive. In the event he or she chooses not to do so, it is not the parent who ought to be blamed.

Of course there are awful parents. Of course there are absent dads. Drunken mothers. Yes. There are angry homes. Anxious environments. There are volatile, hell-homes where children are victimized, where a boy or girl would have great cause for blame. But most people do not live like this, and nonetheless, even from the worst of homes have emerged world leaders, artists, writers, teachers, nurses, and engineers.

Contrarily, I have seen parents dedicate their every waking hour to the care of their children only to have them emerge as anti-social, destructive adults.

Your children will turn out in a manner that far exceeds your capacity to parent. While offering your best, remain cognizant that your son or daughter’s future is primarily in his or her own hands.

3 Comments to “Parents tend to blame themselves too much….”

  1. Thanks, mate. This is always a good reminder especially to us Gen Xers who carry this kind of guilt around whether we’re doing well or not.

  2. Thanks, it’s good to hear. Intellectually, I know I have NO control over my 25 yr. old son, and that the mess he has made, is one of HIS making and not mine. It’s just so difficult to watch a person destroy themselves.

  3. Wow, nice reality check for me, a mom who feels responsible for everything that goes on with her kids. Thanks.

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