Should I meet his child’s mother (his soon-to-be ex-wife)?

5 Comments to “Should I meet his child’s mother (his soon-to-be ex-wife)?”

1. 
   tobeme
   January 8, 2007 at 10:56 am

   Rod is correct,if you are going to be a co-parent, then it would be appropriate for you to meet with the mother, however right now, you are the girlfreind with no defined plans.
   I would wait until you know there is a pending marriage.
   I suggest that you have a serious conversation with your boyfreind to better understand his relationship with his almost ex-wife and his intentions about your relationship.
   This is not a time to assume anything. All parties involved are in a highly vulnerable emotional place.
   Get the facts, understand what is really going on, then make some decisions.
   The one who needs to have the highest consideration here is the child, everyone eles is secondary.

   Reply
2. 
   Dazed&Confused
   January 10, 2007 at 3:42 am

   Thanks Tobeme, I really appreciate it.

   This is sooooo right and after thinking more about it I know this is the right decision. It is not appropriate until we are almost down the aisle.

   I suppose I jumped the gun on this one.

   Thanks again!

   Best,
   D&C

   Reply
3. 
   itwillallbefine
   January 10, 2007 at 2:35 pm

   I’m now living with my once-upon-a-time best friends husband. It’s a long and complicated story! However, his daughter lives with her and it’s nice to be able to get updates on how the child is doing from her as she will not talk to him about it. We’re still friends, which is weird, but good. But it takes time, it takes commitment and it takes a lot, A LOT, of letting things pass, like snide comments and so on. She will be hurting because you are replacing her in her husbands life. If the little girl is asking for you, then she may be feeling that you are trying to replace her in the childs life as well.

   Some children, particulally young children, get attatched easily and you can break a small heart if you break up with the father. It’s a big decision.

   S

   Reply
4. 
   rosemarie
   January 23, 2007 at 10:51 pm

   I’m sorry to be so negative about this, but isn’t somewhere on this site that i read that “Rod” suggest that a person should not be involved with someone who is not done with thier emotional affairs of a yet unresolved marriage? Isnt the main concern to make sure that this “boyfriend” not be caught in the emotional rebound of his estranged wife instead of wanting to meet her?

   Reply
5. 
   Dawn
   April 9, 2008 at 10:04 am

   This blog is yet so very similar to mine. I have met a man whom was married to a woman for almost 4 yrs – together for total of almost 6yrs. They had a child who is just over 3. Thier marriage was very turmoltuos from go. In the 3rd yr of marriage she had an affair with her cousin. My new man found out of the affair within 3 months after reading emails from her to her cousin. He stayed with his ex for a total of almost 4 months after finding out of the affair for daughter’s sake. The marriage ended in a physical confrontation, as he had taken so much of her abuse towards him for the 6 yrs that he finally had enough. It will be 1yr this month that he has been living apart. The divorce proceedings are underway. We have been together for almost 6 months. His parents & siblings like me very much, his friends the same. Whereas when he was with his ex, his parents & siblings, along with friends from start told him blantly numerous times they did not like his ex. We both have been very upfront & honest about our previous relationship(s) to eachother. Neither of us had gone out purposely looking for another relationship, we both just fell upon eachother. He has asked me to marry him, and we are now engaged. The only problem we have is his ex. I have noticed it from almost go how controlling, manipulating, coniviening, dominating she is towards my finance ( he can’t really see it ) and he gives in to her, pleases her to not cause any rifts. She has questioned her 3yr daughter after every visit for information. His ex has asked if I have children.My finace told her that I do, however due to the relationship I was in lost my children. His ex is threatening to stop visitation if she finds out I’ve cared for their daughter on my own. She has now continued to pry more of my previous live, by looking on the internet, asking friends of my finace about me, asking my finace more questions about me. The control she has over my finace is now entering this house, and I don’t like it. I’ve told my finace if she wants to know soo much about me, then come to me and ask me. Am I wrong in wanting this to happen???

   Reply